We are not our emotions, and we are not our thoughts, but until we can start to be the observer of our own minds, we act as if we are. Until then we are ruled and run by the unconscious mind, which runs the programs it created while we were just small infants, in a bid to keep us safe. The conscious mind is the realm of thoughts, and the unconscious mind is the realm of feelings, and the two of them are not always on the same page as to what they think is best for us. The unconscious mind wants to keep us safe, the conscious mind (ego) is more concerned with satisfaction in life, this can lead to a push-and-pull dynamic, yo-yoing behaviour, and sometimes outright self-sabotage attacks. Listen to this full episode of The Living Through Heart Podcast for my take on the unconscious and conscious minds and how they impact us on a day-to-day basis.
We are not our emotions, and we are not our thoughts, but until we can start to be the observer of our own minds, we act as if we are. Until then we are ruled and run by the unconscious mind, which runs the programs it created while we were just small infants, in a bid to keep us safe.
The conscious mind is the realm of thoughts, and the unconscious mind is the realm of feelings, and the two of them are not always on the same page as to what they think is best for us.
The unconscious mind wants to keep us safe, the conscious mind (ego) is more concerned with satisfaction in life, this can lead to a push-and-pull dynamic, yo-yoing behaviour, and sometimes outright self-sabotage attacks.
Listen to this full episode of The Living Through Heart Podcast for my take on the unconscious and conscious minds and how they impact us on a day-to-day basis.
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Hello, I'm Donna Joy Usher, and welcome to this 39th episode of Living Through Heart.
Today I want to talk about the unconscious and the conscious minds.
This is the third time I've started this.
Because each time I started it, I just went off on these crazy different tangents because there is so much to this.
There is so much the unconscious and the conscious minds and you know, it's my jam.
It's what I do.
It's working with my clients.
It's what I love, working with the unconscious, conscious or working with the unconscious mind, right, we are in a conscious mind.
But when I'm working with clients,
I'm also working with their conscious mind.
Because it's the observation of the conscious mind,
all of the unconscious that really allows, you know, amongst other things,
it really allows change, because when you can get that aha, oh my God,
that's why that happens moment.
Yeah, it's really important that the conscious mind is there as well with the unconscious mind when when doing these things.
I can feel myself going off on a tangent again already.
Okay. All right.
So the conscious and the unconscious minds.
So until when maybe coming into around seven, we don't fully live in a conscious mind,
we live in an unconscious one.
And the unconscious minds role is to keep us safe.
That's, that's what its sole role is it runs the body, it runs all the unconscious,
all of the automated systems in the body.
So the unconscious mind is really good at automating stuff, right?
So it runs all the automated systems in the body,
you know, nervous system, our immune system,
our digestive system, well, our organs, the biochemistry of the body, the brain hormones that are released, yeah, how the how the organs function.
I mean, we are crazy, amazing.
You know, on top of all of that stuff, it's also then we've got this conscious mind, this, you know, frontal lobe and the limbic system and all this stuff as well, that goes on, which is, is just, it just by itself is mind blowing.
And, you know, here I go again, getting excited about the brain.
You know, when we, when we create a new idea, or we learn something new our neurons in our brain, it the plasticity of the brain is crazy, right?
They're actually moving in real time and forming new synapses and electrical impulses are going on.
And I don't know if you've ever been through a really big process, that could be healing process.
And you can see like lights flickering behind your eyes. And that that's like the brain impulses, you know, the brain pulses, the brain going off when things are firing and going crazy in there.
So I mean, we are amazing.
And if you are one of the people that looks in the mirror and hates on yourself and hates on your body, just stop it right now, please.
I mean, I used to be one of those people, right?
It's tight my legs, you know, honesty, like big dimply sausages right?
Now I look in the mirror, and they haven't changed.
But now I love them.
Right.
And I remember girlfriend said to me once when I bad mouth my legs, and she pulled me up on it.
And she made me cry.
She said your legs are amazing, they carry you around, they allow you to have this amazing life possible to travel to do all this stuff. So stop hating on them.
And yeah, it made me kind of like really stop and think about different things.
And then with all the processes that I've been going through with Tantra, and coming into wholeness and all the healing I've done, I've got to the point, when I look in the mirror, I just love what I see.
So if you're the sort of person who is picking yourself apart, when you look in the mirror, just stop it, just realize that this all comes from the unconscious mind, it all comes from belief systems, which I'm going to get into in a minute.
And you know, if you need help, just reach out.
If you want to start working into this and start to releasing all these things that are creating unhappiness in life, right.
So just know that your body is amazing.
And it's the unconscious mind that is running it in the background.
So it's keeping the heart beating, it's keeping the breathing going without you haven't to think about it.
It's like you know, we learn to ride a bike.
And then we'll learn how to draw or drive a car.
It's the unconscious mind, and it creates looping and patterns in our brain, synapses so that when something happens, it's just happening automatically, so that we're not having to think about everything that we do.
So for instance, every time we clean our teeth, we have to really stop and think about each stroke.
You know, instead we're walking around the house, cleaning the teeth, probably not doing a very good job, but we're doing it, right? And doing other things at the same time.
So it's the unconscious mind allows us to do that.
Now on a deeper level, what it does is it creates rules to keep us safe.
So when we're first born, we have no idea of how the world works.
No one hands us a rulebook,
No one says this is true and this is not and this is what you know, no one says to us, look, you are perfect.
As you are. You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are lovable.
And no matter what happens, just remember that's not your shit.
Right?
If an adult is disdainful towards you or says something to you, that makes you feel bad, just remember it's not you it's them, okay?
It's what they're going through.
I mean, it says that choice, the moment we're born, no one gives us that rulebook.
So instead, we start to make up all these reasons that shit happens to us.
And we make it mean something about ourselves.
And this is what we do in life, we always make stuff mean about something about ourselves into it to become very conscious of it, right.
So when we're walking around, unconscious, sort of being run by our primitive kind of like systems and these belief systems, and we're just reacting, were reacting to stuff, it triggered by stuff.
And we don't know why. And we're often unhappy, sad, depressed, in that state of mind,
when you start to become an entire consciousness of observing yourself within this,
being able to observe what's happening in your mind, and becoming more the observer.
And it's like, you're not getting hijacked anymore by these programs that are there, but you're able to allow to see them running and not to be taken over by them.
So what happens, the unconscious mind wants to keep us safe. So when we are young, and something shitty happens to us, so for instance, the very first time that we cry, and cry and cry, and no one comes,
then we form a belief about now may not be the very first time because if you've watched the videos,
or if you've listened to my podcast on Attachment styles, you know, it's the only have to have your needs and met reliably.
You're like, you know, when you're crying and stuff as a child, you need to only have your caretaker kind of respond to you,
your need immediately 37-38 of the time for you to be able to be in secure attachment.
So, I go back with lots of clients, I go back to a moment where they're crying, crying, crying, I know when it becomes now it's probably happened, maybe it before and stuff, but maybe this is the moment, maybe this is the first moment, who knows.
But this is the moment of impact, the moment when something really important was decided.
And what was decided in that moment is normally, the reason that no one came when there crying is because they're not important.
They're not worthy.
They're not lovable, whatever, whatever spin the unconscious mind put on it in that moment.
So now the unconscious decided, right?
This happened, why did it happen?
It can't not know why it happened.
Because that's not safe.
It's not safe not to have all the information because then you can't control the outcome.
So we need to know why it happened.
So I make a decision, right?
It happened because I'm not important enough. If I was important enough, they would have come. And then that's it.
This is a decision, I'm not important, or I'm not worthy, or I'm not lovable, or whatever this is, is now what is running out the programming, and it's widen.
And what happens is that once the unconscious mind has these rules, it guards some it protects them, because it's how it staying safe is viewing the world through what looks like a lens that gets put over our eyes.
And now we view the world through oh, of course that happened.
I'm not lovable, of course that happened.
I'm not worthy.
And then oh, it will make sense.
And maybe it's still shitty, right?
But it's okay. Because we know why.
And we can control it.
And you know, and we learn to adapt in different ways and different personalities and how to get what we want in a way or get what we need.
Some of us become manipulative, some of us become very gregarious, some of us become really quiet and just kind of sneak around the background.
And we kind of bend and we've come like this chameleons trying to, trying to stay safe in the world and get as much as we can almost like we like you can imagine like a little orphan child who is in like pickpocketing or running and grabbing stuff because they still need stuff. Right?
So even though they don't think they're lovable, they don't think they're worthy. Don't think they're important or whatever. They're still like getting what they need.
I'm not saying that we're pickpockets.
So metaphor that came to mind.
Okay, someone's going to get it out there.
So the unconscious creates these belief systems.
And then we run our world through the perception of this belief.
So what do I mean by this?
Well, what I mean is that whenever something happens to us, we make sense of it through this belief through this lens.
Now, the same thing could happen to us.
And if we had a different belief system, like if we either like, been very, very safe and very supportive and very loved as a child, and their belief system might be I'm lovable, I am worthy.
And then this thing could happen to us, and we just just bounce off, it wouldn't even matter, right?
But if we're carrying around a belief system, that we're not lovable, we're not worthy. And we're living life from a victim mentality. And when something happens, it's like, oh, right, yeah, of course, I'm not lovable.
And this is how it work.
It's our unconscious mind.
Now, these emotional experiences that happened to us, when we have these these core moments, these roots sort of forms. So it's like that the impact, the moment of truth happened, and we formed these beliefs.
And it's like the root cause, okay?
Of our disharmony and our unhappiness or what's happening, these moments in time happen.
And it's like they're frozen in time and I couldn't see it.
Like, it's almost like our belief system and our neurology is created of these memories.
And that's why we remember some things, and we don't remember other things.
You know, because of all the things that happened to us billions and millions of things that have happened to us during our life, right?
We don't remember that many of them. And as children, we kind of remember things that were important. And sometimes we're not even sure why they're important.
But it's important because the unconscious mind has woven that into the fabric of our reality.
And maybe it's like, you know, when this root causes moment of impact happened, or maybe it's important things that backed up that belief system, and it's almost like putting on the layers of the onion, right, more and more layers go on, the skin gets thicker and thicker, the belief system gets stronger and stronger.
And it becomes more and more limiting.
And we don't realize,
we don't realize the impact, that the unconscious mind it's almost like it's the brake is on.
And sometimes our conscious mind is like got its foot on the pedal going for it.
But the unconscious minds like oh, I've got the handbrake on, because it doesn't know where the conscious mind wants to go, it doesn't know if it's safe or not.
And this is push pull dynamic and a lot of frustration that goes into it.
And I see it when I was coaching, in marketing on the online space, people would come and pay me good money for me to teach them what to do, and then they would never do it.
And I can remember once spending a month trying to get somebody just to create a banner for their Facebook profile.
And they just couldn't get themselves to do it.
You know, we would map out all this stuff and come up with these amazing, new tiered like programs and memberships and all these ideas of lead magnets, and then nothing would happen or they get stuck in the creating mode where they are creating stuff, but then the never implementing and putting into play.
Because the putting it into play part is taking them into unknown territory,
where they don't know if they're safe.
And they may even have memories that backup that it's not safe.
Because when they're at school, people used to like ridicule them, or tear them down or stuff.
So now it's not safe to go over here and become important and or become successful.
Especially in the online space, right where there's a lot of there's a lot of trolls out there.
So this is how the unconscious works, right? It's holding us back.
But the thing is the body is really, I mean, we're just energy, right, we're ultimately the smallest, we're just photons, which is energy.
And it's the photons that goes into making up the, you know, the the protons and the neutrons and the electrons and the atoms.
And they'll come together to make the atoms and they come together to make the molecules and they come together to make the cells and we're basically we're just made of photons.
So our body is a bio electric magnetic field that is looking to evolve and grow.
But trapped within it are these memories, these moments in time when we learned to believe these things about ourself these limiting things about ourselves.
And with that, is energy. So we have this trapped energy in us, creating like knots inside us.
And then what happens when we try to go like if our conscious mind wants to go over here, I want to be happy, I want a beautiful loving relationship and all we've known is abandonment, then we'll start heading for that.
And then for some reason we find ourselves back here.
Or heaven forbid, if we actually did manage to attract a partner that was able to love us, we couldn't accept it anyway, because we're not lovable.
We can't have love.
And if we can't accept love, we can't actually give it.
And when we're making this stuff means stuff about ourselves, no matter what somebody says, we will interpret it in such a way that it backs up what we believe.
And have you ever had a really frustrating conversation with someone or had them like, like, compress you into like an identity that you are not because of what they believe.
And it's very frustrating and very suffocating to be in that situation.
And no matter what you say, they're not hearing you because of what they believe and what they believe that you're going to say.
That's the unconscious mind, in action in beautiful, beautiful action, trying to keep them safe trying to allow them to see the world exactly the way it is for them to be safe within it.
So the unconscious wants us to stay safe, the conscious wants happiness, and the body has all of this trapped energy inside it from all of these moments and the moments that are frozen in time.
So for us to release this, it's almost like I see it like a parachute, right?
That could that could allow you to fly high but stapled to the ground in all these different places.
Now let's forget about the fact that once you build steps that's gonna have little holes in it right logically, but in our magical parachute, which is our life, once we call steps, that's no holes in the parachute.
Okay, so but we've got this parachute and stapled down all these places.
So it's just can't fly.
And in fact, air can't even get into it.
But if we go in and identify what the staples are, which are limiting beliefs, memories, things like that, that have created it, and then we pull them out one by one, the parachute can start to actually blow up.
And maybe it's getting bigger, and maybe we're expanding, we're feeling better, but we're still not achieving what we want to achieve, we're still not able to create the amazing life of freedom, we're still kind of caught up in trying to control and trying to manipulate and trying to stay safe that way.
But then we go back in, do more work, more staples come out, and then one day, it's like, freedom.
Because we're no longer controlled by this perception of the past.
And when we have going on, when we have this perception of the past controlling us, then what we create in the future is just a reflection of the past. Because it's all we know.
And when we're making choices, from a limited belief system of the past, all we know how to create is more of the same.
And we keep going creating the same situations over and over again, we don't know why.
But it's because of what's there in our programming.
It's like a thought, right?
A thought is not just a thought, a thought as a whole program behind it.
Because when you have a thought, then it's like, Oh, yes. And that's because of this, because of this. And because of this, and because of this, like this is all going on the background. And that means this and then I can't do this, right.
So be careful with your thoughts, observe your thoughts, and that the first thing to do to kind of start to unravel this stuff is to become cognitively aware, to become the observer of the mind, to observe yourself, and to realize to to get out of your head to above looking down on your head and to start to observe your mind.
And I remember when my girlfriend, a mentor, Charlotte first said this to me as a main become the observer of your mind. I just didn't get it.
And then one day, I found myself observing my mind when I was like,
oh, that's interesting, I can observe what my mind is thinking without actually buying into the story, right?
Because our whole life is a fiction story created by this perception, created by these underlying belief systems, created by the past.
It's all a story.
It's all a fiction.
And I don't mean, I don't mean when I say that, I don't mean that I don't actually I'm not actually in this room here. sitting in this chair.
That's not fiction.
That's true.
So what I make it mean about being in this room in this chair.
That's the fiction story.
Like I could be here in this room in this chair and be utterly miserable and saying how much I hated and now it's like a small apartment and I feel really trapped.
And I don't have any, you know, where I can get outside and the grass and this all I could be in this beautiful, beautifully lit glass, you know, apartment, thinking how amazing it is that I can just lock it up and walk out the door. And it's my freedom, right?
I've got this beautiful space, I can come back to that my girlfriends, and I can just, oh my god, especially my new couch, couch in the corner I got a few weeks ago, I can just be on my beautiful couch now.
Or I can snuggle with my girlfriends and my dogs. And we can like chat, and we can have cups of tea together.
And yeah, okay, I'm getting into my story.
See, it's a story, right?
What I choose to believe about where I'm sitting in this room is totally a story.
I could go either way with it.
And we can go like that with anything in our life.
Now, it's not to say that if you're in a miserable relationship, that you have to make it positive, like you're not going to spin it to positive because sometimes there are things going on that should not be tolerated and change has to occur.
And go and watch or listen to my podcasts, my videos on wants and needs and conversations, okay.
And I spent a lot of my life making everything be okay, making everything be okay, because I couldn't be...
I have to be the good girl, I couldn't ruffle the water.
That was my unconscious programming.
And I had to always be there for other people and make everything right for other people.
That was how I stayed safe and how I stayed important.
And so I stayed in something that I shouldn't have stayed in for him for so long, because it didn't serve either myself or my ex husband anymore.
And I didn't do either of a service by staying there for longer than I did. Right.
So don't feel like you have to flip everything and make it all Susie sunshine all the time. Right?
That's not what I mean.
But what I'm trying to show to you and point out to you is that our reality is actually a fiction story that we create within it and we can, we can, it's a perception that we have from an unconscious mind on pay and how we see things, whether or not we slip into victim mode when something happens when we make it mean something about ourselves and how unfair it is and how things never go my way or whether we see the facts and then okay, well how we're going to deal with this moving forward,
just accepting and moving forward.
And I remember when I learned to do this when rather than going into
Oh victim mode and what it mean about me
What I realized is that none of that changed anything and it didn't actually mean anything didn't help me at all.
And that I was going to go and make going to go and take action on something anyway.
I might as well just get to that point now, and just forget all the drama.
So that's the difference.
So observing your mind, realizing that there are programs running there, which are actually not true, not real, but actually stories. That's the first stepping out, observe your mind.
Now, the next thing to do is actually to be able to go in to these stories find when they were created, to work out what happened there, why it happened, then what the belief that was made.
So that's the second step right.
Now, this is the important part, because there's a lot of talk therapy that goes on and allows some progress, right, but not really deep, ever lasting change.
And a lot of people go through therapists, after therapists after therapists and when it's very cognitive therapy and talk therapy, don't really get very far, I'm not saying that it can't be helpful.
And I'm not saying that the therapists aren't very skilled.
I'm just saying that there is some deeper work that needs to be done.
And when you bring the conscious and the unconscious together, and you bring in psychology, emotions, and physiology, all of it together, this is when you start to break free, because when you do that, you're tapping into the unconscious mind, you're allowing this frozen moment in time, when there is emotion trapped.
And this, the energy of this emotion is still trapped in the body.
And that's where the physiology comes into it, right?
We're allowing that to run.
So often, in these moments, we weren't allowed to have our emotions, we weren't allowed to feel our feelings, either. We were told we weren't allowed them been taught that they were bad. And we learned to to create shadow parts of our shadow out of them.
Or so we're punished for being it or it wasn't safe, we weren't in a situation where we could like,
we were really not safe, and we had to get away, or create safety or freeze or wherever it was that we chose to stay safe in that moment.
And we didn't have time to really process that emotion.
And when I work with clients, and we freeze the time, in that, and we go into this moment of, of emotion and in the layers that were there.
And there are so many different layers that go on to just there in the body, in the mind.
And it's working down through these layers to what is at the very bottom.
And once we can do that, when you get to the very bottom emotion and it's normally fear, anger, sadness, so and different forms so the anger can be downright our actual rage through the frustration, okay,
so there's different grades.
Sadness can be, you know, sadness through to despair and grief.
And fear can be you know, from fear all the way to like what my parents fear, okay, so there's different different areas, and we're not taught to, to feel our emotions.
And it can be hard work going in and allowing it and this is where the conscious mind can interfere.
Because the conscious mind wants to doesn't want to feel this stuff doesn't like it, it just wants to be happy, right? It wants to be able to hear being happy, but it can't, because of this stuff, right?
But then when you try and go into it, two things are gonna happen.
One, it doesn't want to go into it, because it is kind of like, wants to stay out of it and happy and doesn't want to feel it.
Because it's this scary, it's scary feeling this stuff.
But the other thing that's going to happen is that when we go into this stuff, the ego changes, the identity changes.
So it's like the conscious mind knows who we are, thinks it does, anyway, knows who we are, knows the identity of who we are.
And when we go in and we do the work, this shifts and changes.
And what we think and how we feel about things starts to move and starts to change.
And the conscious mind will try and interfere and it will try and save the person and go in sometimes with people.
And they're just skating off.
Skating off and surface.
And then they're making it mean something about something else or about somebody other than themselves.
Or when you go into that you can see and feel them starting to get into it, then they pop back out.
And then they're often to another memory and there's all these different forms of resistance that you have to dance with.
Coming from the conscious mind.
The unconscious will bring you the memory.
It's like, amazing.
You know, when you go into something with somebody, and you have a conversation at the very beginning and you trigger up stuff that's going on, sometimes we don't have conversation sometimes it's already there, right?
But when you when you track back and what happens is there's something in their life at this moment.
That is like really impacting them, right?
And they're caught up in the story.
And he said she said this and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And this is where doing your own work is so important because I could so easily get caught up in that story if that was my jam as well.
Right?
But to me to be able to observe them in their story, I can observe myself in my own story.
So that we have to have a story right we always have to have a story I'm not saying we get rid of story but you can choose to have a better story you choose to have the story that brings you happiness and joy as opposed to a story that doesn't.
Anyway so when I can see them in this this story and observe them within it and not buying into it and realize that the reason that in this story in the first place, and the realize that the thing that is triggering them is making them so upset about everything,
it's actually got nothing to do with the present moment and everything to do with the past.
Because if they didn't have a belief that was being triggered up and making them angry or sad, at the moment, this wouldn't be a problem,
what was going on this moment would not be a problem.
And the emotion in the present moment, is normally an echo from the past. It's like a shadow. When we have these belief systems, they're like these shadows that grow bigger and bigger over time, and the shadows are live, and they get heavier and heavier, because the more we buy into them, the more we clip our own wings, the more we make choices from these limiting beliefs, the further away we get from our souls purpose.
And the more the bigger the impact of that is, you know, we know on a level that this is not where we want to be, we feel frustrated by it, we feel frustrated by the fact that we feel like we could be doing more, or being more or having more, and we don't know why we're stuck where we are. And it's all to do with these limiting beliefs, the unconscious mind and us playing it out over and over again,
creating a future from a past that didn't service.
But now we're creating a future from it because it's safe, unknown.
And that's what the unconscious wants for us.
So I think that's probably enough, episode on the unconscious and the conscious, but just start to I mean, this may be your jam as well, this may be what you're really good at.
So if you are right, if you are really good at it, and great, actually, no, let me tell you about what to do.
Okay, I'm gonna tell you what to do.
Well, one fun, a really good therapist who works with the unconscious and who connects it all together.
And analytical hypnotherapy where we go deep into therapy, just using hypnosis as a tool to get to the unconscious mind.
At tantric embodiment, we're looking at the unconscious mind as well working through that spiritual healing, we do it.
So there's lots of different modalities out there, right, that can help you get there.
But what you got to do is you got to connect in find the memory, which the unconscious will bring to you very faithfully, it's like a very well trained dog, when you set it off on a task, it'll bring you this thing like Tada, here's the memory.
And then you can observe it, observe it with the client, observe it by yourself to find out what is the problem in this moment?
What was it?
And what was this child feeling at this moment?
What did the child decide in this moment, what was the belief that was born from this moment, or the belief that was strengthened?
Now if you get to a point where the belief it's just being strengthened, and this feeling is familiar for the child, you got to go back further, go back further, go back further, if you can, to the very first moment that this child felt it, then what you can do is it rips the whole thing out of the timeline, if you can go back to the moment this was born, the first moment it was created, the ripple that comes through just shifts and changes your perception.
And I've had these phenomenal sessions where the next day I'm talking to a girlfriend, I'm like, Oh, my God, I had the most amazing session last night, and they're like, what happened, I'll go well...
And then I can't remember.
Because it's no longer important to my mind.
Because we resolved the issue.
And we changed it.
We went in, I was allowed to feel the emotion and the energy of that in my body, it was allowed to run.
And then the belief was was taken out and, and once once you go in, and you allow the child's to feel what they didn't get to feel on what they you know what they needed to feel.
And for that, to run it for them to express it, whether or not they need to cry, or scream, and then throw tantrum, you allow them to feel it, they come through and out the other side, and then realize it's not their shit, they realize that it's just not true.
And then once that happens, just dissolves.
It's like magic, it really is, it's amazing.
So find someone that can help you do this, if you're not in the field, like if you're already a therapist or a healer or something, you know, we do this work on ourselves.
And sometimes there's just stuff that we can't and we need help.
But a lot of a lot of my processing that I've been doing the last six months has been like myself going to stuff over and over again and releasing it and letting the energy runs really, really important.
You know, a lot of people, they allow the inner child to express, but the energy is actually still in them because they are the inner child or the inner child is still here within us.
And there's energy of this time that this moment is actually in our body. And that's the trigger when something happens and the unconscious mind is triggered.
And it's like Danger, danger.
It's like someone presses the big red button on our forehead, right?
And we go into this trigger
and the body, the physiology and I feel like oh I just have shame on it was like oh shame.
I don't have shame anymore.
I'm very happy to say.
Something would happen and if there was any kind of inkling that I had done something wrong, or I hadn't done something well enough or I hadn't done even though I hadn't even been aware and I've been doing my best oh my god the shame, it was crushing.
It was like someone stuck a knife punched a knife into me right?
And then by going into these memories and releasing it,
I don't have that trigger anymore and the shame.
I still got triggers don't get me wrong, I'm still working through stuff.
And I'm not saying that I'm fully healed or enlightened.
That's what the fun is, though, right?
And triggers are a beautiful thing, because triggers show us what's there that needs to be worked on.
So don't beat yourself up about your body, as I said before, but to make your triggers, your triggers are there to keep you safe, your triggers were there.
And we should thank thank these children, these inner children, you know, in the unconscious memories, thank them always take the time to thank them for keeping you safe.
Because up until now, I mean, when they're a small child, they do need to stay safe in a way and they're not able to take care of themselves.
And they do need to do whatever they need to do in a shitty situation to stay safe.
And there are a lot of children in this world who aren't safe, and who are surviving, not safe.
And that is their reality.
That is trying to build any sort of happy life on a structure, a foundation, where you're in total unconscious mind is created in a situation where you are not safe with your caregivers, or you're always put into unsafe situations.
That's a hard game.
And I, one of the things I think my parents fought I often ring them and say, especially if I've just been working with a client who was like not kept safe at all, I ring them and I thank you for keeping me safe.
I mean, maybe it's all too safe. No, no kidding.
Thank you for keeping me safe, like really.
So these children who weren't kept safe, that's that's a totally different ballgame, because they have no mapping, no modeling of what safety is, of how to be that and that the identity, that's a huge leap, you need to go slowly, by slowly recreating safety for them to actually because most of them are still not safe, now they're living their life that they're not safe.
And that's why they're always hyper aware, hyper vigilant, always in sympathetic nervous system, they startle easily, because I've never been safe.
And to be able to go into inner children and allow them to express this and to be there and almost to reparent them, to give that child the stability that it needs for the adult to be able to allow and relax out of sympathetic into parasympathetic system.
That's a lot of hard work for them.
Anyway, I have been talking for a long time. So I hope you got something out of this. I know I went on and on, this happens when I don't,
I don't add structures when I start talking from how to get very excited about this stuff.
So I hope you got something out of it.
Feel free to reach out to me at donna@donnajoyusher.com if you've got any thoughts, any queries, or just even to find out what it is that I'm doing at the moment in regards to working with clients and creating stuff because that's always changing as well.
So have an amazing week and I will talk to you very very soon.