11 months into my Tantra Practitioner Training and we are studying couples. How to have good communication and how to maintain the heat that is there at the beginning. In this episode, I consider polarity between couples - what it is and why its important to maintain chemistry.
11 months into my Tantra Practitioner Training and we are studing couples. How to have good communication and how to maintain the heat that is there at the beginning. In this episode I consider polarity between couples - what it is and why its important to maintain chemistry.
Hello, I'm Donna Joy Usher.
Welcome to this 58th episode of the Living through Heart Podcast.
Today, I want to talk about something that I've been learning in my Tantra training that I'm really passionate about.
And it's a couple's thing.
So it's about polarity and chemistry within relationship.
And we just spent two months studying couples stuff.
And the first month was about healthy communication. And the second month is about intimacy practices and keeping the spice in the relationship.
And the reason that I find this really fascinating and really interesting is most people and myself included up to now, relationship was just kind of like a box, ticking exercise where we like, yep, got the boyfriend, got the girlfriend, got the wife, got the husband, whatever.
Yep, tick done, that part of my life is complete.
Now I want some kids, and we don't actually consciously create the relationship, we kind of fall into it, it happens around us, we feel amazing, we tick that box.
And then it just happens.
And sometimes that happens, well, sometimes it does not.
But sometimes it could happen well, if we were consciously creating it.
And what tends to happen is instead we get this push pull dynamic going on.
And people are normally attracted to somebody who is very different to them.
And that's what attraction's like.
We don't want to be, we're not attracted to someone who's the same as us.
Sometimes we're attracted initially to someone who is a transmission of a part of us that we're not seeing.
But then once we start to see it in ourselves, kind of like that chemistry dies, because we're too similar, anyway, which naturally similar.
But what normally happens is that we're attracted to someone who's quite different to us.
And then we start trying to change them to be the same as us.
Because somehow we think that this is the right way to be, our opinions are correct, what we think is correct, our hobbies, we want them.
Yeah, what often happens?
Well, one partner will totally conform to fit into the other one's life.
And their hobbies will become their hobbies, their interest will become the interest, their friends become their friends.
And it's like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride,
fantastic movie, from a therapy point of view, right?
She was a runaway bride, because every time she got to the altar, a part of her essence knew that this wasn't right for her, it wasn't true for her, and she had just been conforming herself to become the same as his other person, to have love.
But then she would run away at the altar.
So, first of all, we need to know who we are and what we want and what we need, and then resist the temptation to conform to the other partner.
And resist the temptation to make them conform to us and to make them become another version of us.
And instead, within the container, like we serve a conscious creation of a container of relationship, within that be really interested in who this person is that we're with, and allow them to have their identity and their shape and not feel threatened by the fact that they are different to us.
And instead, when they're talking, when we're listening to them, to actually be trying to understand who they are, rather than what we normally do, which is coming up for ways to make them see what we see or to think what we think.
And I've probably said this quite a few times already.
But one of the best quotes that I heard from Chantal Raven, one of the ladies who's run the academy that I'm coming to the tantra practitioner training, was her dad told her that "good listening is listening with the intent to be able to change your mind".
So you're actually interested enough not even to just to be listening to their different opinion, but open to them being able to change your mind.
That's super listening, right?
Because you got to active listening, where you're actively listening and seeking clarification so you understand them.
But then even taking that further is being totally open to changing your mind, totally open to the flow of life and not fixed and not rigid in your opinions.
Because that's where your identity comes from, and your safety comes from.
So we're attracted to somebody initially.
And there's that polarity, there's that chemistry, we get into the relationship.
Look, there's always also the push pull dynamic, because there's many different facets to this being attracted to the opposite polarity of who we are.
There's the masculine versus the feminine polarity, which is what I'm going to talk about today because that's a very healthy polarity when it's done right.
Then there's the anxious versus avoidant polarity, which is an attachment style wounding which is actually our woundings, which is not a healthy dynamic and that leads to a lot of push pull dynamics, a lot of like the anxious, the love addicts, chasing the avoidant who's like ugh, away and then thelove addicts are like well, f*ck you.
I'm off over here and they've what it's like, oh, they seem so much more attractive now that they're not smothering me with their energy.
And then you get this whole like this dance and there's always this oh this like this.
Like always this heart like, like you go through these moments of amazingness within that, like, oh, they want me, they love me.
And then you go through these moments of devastation, right.
And that's not healthy.
Because it's all to do with our inner child and what they needed that they didn't get that we're now playing out in relationship.
But there is a very healthy polarity that can be had between the masculine and the feminine within relationship and within ourselves.
So it's a matter we need to maintain polarity within ourselves, but the actual healthy dynamic of our relationship with ourselves.
So that's what I'm gonna talk about today, I'm going to talk about the dance between the masculine and the feminine.
So what am I talking about masculine and feminine energies?
So we pretty much run in a masculine world. And this is the modern culture that we're in, the patriarchy.
It's the doing, the achieving, the validation, the successful, you need to be this, you need to be that, it's a very masculine thing.
And the more you think about the primitive, like the male, the hunter, the predator that goes out, catches the kill, brings it back so that everyone can survive, right?
They're very single, focused, they're very goal orientated.
And then they get their award, their sense of validation from being able to fulfill what they need to do so that everybody else can praise them.
And they're so amazing.
And like, you know, the breadwinner, bringing home the money, providing for the family, and that's where they get their validation from.
A very mature masculine can or is also a space holder, they don't judge, they just hold space, they can create this container of non judgment and allow people to show up and be what shape they are without trying to fix them.
So that's a big masculine, a bit immature masculine, with the immature masculine will try and fix people and often will, will give unsolicited advice and it drives women crazy, right?
I don't know if you've ever seen, google, It's not About the Nail.
This is a hysterical movie that someone did, which just shows the difference between men and women, the masculine, the feminine.
It's not about the nail, where the woman's got all these issues she's going on about and there's a very obvious logical problem.
And the man says, so totally focused on problem solving a problem rather than listening to her and just being there for her.
The mature masculine can just listen and be there and not try and problem solve, unless he's asked, or unless it's obvious that he's helped as needed, but then not come in forcefully.
But to be able to say,wWould you like some help with that, and here's what we can do, not just to take over.
And sometimes it's nice to have a masculine to come in and just swoop you up and make everything okay, right.
But then sometimes it's just freaking annoying, because you're actually capable of doing it yourself.
And as a woman, we have our own masculine energy, we have our own doing energy.
And, you know, it's the balancing within us of the masculine and the feminine, which I'll talk about in a second, too.
So the masculine is the doing energy, but it's also the space holding energy, the presence holding, the allowing, the non judgement. And that's like the divine masculine, like Shiva.
The feminine, is the fun, the creativity, the flow, the spontaneity, you know, all this beauty, the beauty, all the stuff that comes into life from the feminine, and she gets to turn up and change her mind.
And she's like water.
So the masculine is creating this container, and then the feminine is coming in and creating everything within it.
So when we're talking about our own individual union, within ourselves, the masculine giving the feminine what she needs, the feminine giving the masculine what he needs, and often this is a part of our growing up journey, is that our masculine or feminine energies within us are modeled off our primary caretakers when we were children.
And often they themselves may not have had a healthy transmission of masculine-feminine energy.
So we ended up within ourselves.
For instance, I was very heavily masculine.
And through my whole marriage through my whole life, right, I got my validation from achieving, from beating the boys, you know, from a therapeutic point of view, and I've never actually discussed this with him.
So this is just my, my opinion could be wrong.
I feel that my father probably wanted a son and didn't have one and I was the youngest child, I was like, set up to compete with the boys and he used to get probably even more satisfaction out of the fact that his girl was beating the boys than if you had a had a son.
And I was always rewarded for that. And so that set me up into a pattern of going into male dominated things.
Dentistry, military, I mean, when I went through dentistry, there was eight of us in my year, eight women in my year, in all of Queensland.
And then what I do is I go and get a scholarship in the Air Force.
And I came in the Air Force, there was three female officers at the base I was posted to and all men right, always had male, you know, either male bosses or women that were very in the masculine as bosses.
And I was always like, having to be better, having to do this, having to do that, having to achieve this to get my sense of satisfaction and my own self love.
And my feminine was just squashed.
I mean, sure, there was moments creativity.
But even within that creativity, the masculine was like cracking the whip, like when I was heavily into writing.
And I'm not saying I'm not going to come back to writing, I do want to come back.
I've got a trilogy I've started.
But I also know that this journey I'm on now, that when I come back to the writing can be so much richer, because I'm going to be doing it from my creative space.
But what I was writing I can remember it was like, had to be this many words that day and had to be like, I could knock a book over.
Yeah, I could, when I'm really focused, write a 60,000 word book in a month.
Did I enjoy the process?
No, the feminine side it was crushed, she wanted a break, she wanted to have fun, she wanted to go out and play, but she wasn't allowed to, she just sit in the computer and be creative, right?
So even when I was being creative, and in my feminine, I was being very masculine around that and really squashing her, which is pretty much you know, when I look at my relationship, growing up, what happened to me, you know, I had this moment of like, when I wanted, I expressed and announced joyously that I was going to be a fashion designer, and I was just squashed like a bug.
And like, pinned down until I basically submitted and went to uni, and got a good career and a good job.
And here I am now, not in that career and job anymore.
Only a jewelry making business.
And like seeking creative outlets in my life, because I'm finally coming back into my feminine.
So the feminine is the flow, she's the fun, she's the creativity, she's the intuition.
So when we're too much in our masculine, we're in our mind, we're focused, we're in our mind, and we lose access to our intuition, which is when we're in the flow, and we just know, you know, we know what to do next.
And it all makes sense, right, and may not make sense to somebody else, somebody else who's very structured and logical, but what we're doing makes perfect sense to us.
And it's where we get our joy and our fun from.
So within ourselves, we need a 50/50, healthy feminine-masculine energy.
The feminine needs to be able to come out and be creative and be intuitive and play, and the masculine to support her within that, you know, saying, okay, well, we actually need to get this done, so that you can do that.
And it's this healthy balance.
When we come to relationship with our intimate partner...
And girls, you can throw rocks at me if you want to.
But I know this from personal experience, I was very much in my masculine for the 25 years marriage, and it killed the relationship.
Now, there's two to tango.
So I'm not taking 100% responsibility here.
But I know that if I hadn't been in my feminine, the way I am starting to be able to come now.
And you know, we're taught that being in our feminine is weak.
It's not.
Feminine power, it's very f*cking powerful.
Because we're allowing ourselves to be who we are in that expression.
And within that, we know what we want, and we need, and we can expect it to be a priority, we can show up in that, right?
But we can also like allow ourselves, to have what we want.
And to have fun and to like to be in flow with.
Being in your feminine is super powerful.
We are the intuition.
You know, we are the inspiration.
You know, if you think about all the Muses and stuff it was normally based around women, we create, not that I have personally done this, but we create life in our bodies.
I mean, what is more f*cking powerful than that, being able to create a life in your body?
So don't think the lie don't don't don't buy that lie.
You know, we have been put down.
And we have been, through words and culture, had been led to believe that being a girl is a weakness, and we're not as good as a man.
And you know, don't be a girl.
Don't be a big girl.
Don't cry.
You know what, it's actually f*cking powerful to have our emotions, and there is nothing more attractive to me than being able to watch a strong man own his emotions and fucking cry about something.
I think that's hot.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't want to go "He's just always weeping and crying", right?
But a guy who actually fucking go into something and own it, and cry, and express and then own who he is.
That's fucking hot. Right?
So, and, you know, our body parts have been used as defamatory words, you know?
Don't be a p*ssy, you're a c*#t.
And I apologize to anyone who doesn't like the C word.
And we will probably beep that out in this video and cover it up.
But it's true, right?
The C word is like I used to hate it.
Everyone used to I was like, totally offended by it.
It used has to be an actual name that was able to be used for our female, part of our female genitalia, righ?
And there's all these words that have been used and elegant masculine as well, like it has words like d*ckhead and things like that.
So it's not just the female that's copped in in the patriarchy.
And you know, if I'm going to be totally honest, working with men a lot has actually given me appreciation for how they've been impacted as well.
And actually coming into a stage now where women are coming back into their power and men are still lost, they don't know how to be, because women are coming into their power, but in their masculine, right?
And we need to get back into more of our feminine to make the space for men to be in their masculine and to know who they are and how to be.
So that's the difference between the masculine and the feminine energies, and the fact that being in our feminine is actually a really powerful thing.
So when we come into relationship, if we came into relationship, like I did in my marriage, in my masculine, then it sets up a competition, who's got that masculine power, right?
And what ended up what ends up happening is the female brain is wired differently.
And this is actually approved for there's actually some connector between the left and the right hemispheres of the brain that the man is lacking.
Scientifically, I've been told this.
And it allows the difference between the female to get to multitask, and the man to be single focused, which is what was necessarily it right, the man had to go out, he had to hunt, he had to kill, he did to a single focus, he didn't think about the kids, and about this, and about that, because that might get him killed, right?
He might not see the predator coming to get him, the woman was back at the camp, like making sure that the kids were not in danger, making sure that food was getting cooked, keeping things organized, she's got a finger in every pie, right?
So when a man is not upholding his end of an equation in a relationship, the feminine, the female, sorry not the feminine, but the female will flow in and pick it up, because it needs to be done.
And just one more thing, one more ball, she's got in the air, right?
But she'll resent him for it.
And it'll be her masculine that's doing it.
So the more the man is not standing, like upholding, like, the male energy, the masculine but also the doing and doing what he has, like within the structure of this relationship, his role, right?
The more he is letting the ball fall, the more she will be picking it up.
And she'll be resenting the f*ck out of him for it.
But doing it anyway.
And me, I was getting a power trip out of it.
Like if I'm totally honest, my secondary intention behind allowing it to happen was that it made me feel like I was in control, but gave me that control, right?
I was in control of everything.
And that made me feel safe.
Did it made me feel cherished and adored?
No.
Did it make me feel special and important?
No.
Because I couldn't rely that things were going to get done.
And I had to do them.
I couldn't rely that when my birthday came around, it was even going to be remembered, let alone made special.
And you know, that's not okay.
But I allowed it to be okay.
So that's my responsibility.
So if I hadn't been in my feminine, when I had first met my ex partner, like when I was 24, right, and I was still very heavily my masculine, I was the dentist in the military, just left home.
And I was showing up in all my valid, like, you know, in all of my glory for what I was capable of, seeking love that way thinking that my worst came through, how I was able to do things.
And if I hadn't been in my feminine, a couple of things would happen.
Well one, the relationship wouldn't have lasted long,
two, I would have left a space for my ex to be able to move fully into his mature masculine.
And, you know, he didn't get that chance, whether or not he would have taken up on or not, that's whether or not the relationship would have lasted very long.
Or three, I just want to attract him in the first place, right?
I would have attracted somebody else, would have attracted someone who was strongly in their masculine to me.
So it's only in that creation, you know, instead of sitting around and like crying about how I didn't get what I want, owning that I can create that.
But also seeing the beauty of the journey and what it's led me to be able to see in myself and to learn about myself.
Which brings us back to in relationship to keep the polarity and to keep that chemistry, in that initial chemistry, is that a lie?
You need to consciously work at creating and keeping the structure of the masculine and the feminine energy together.
So does that mean that within my own business, I have to have a...
We're talking about an 80-20 relationship.
In relationship, I should be showing up 80% of my feminine, 20% of my masculine, which means I can hold space for my partner, and I can take action within relationship when needed.
But I also am allowing him to do it, allowing him to be the one that is doing stuff and not criticizing him, not making it have to be the way I would do it, which is what happens often, right?
And I see that in my patterning of the old, like, if something would happen, if it wasn't as efficiently as I could do it, I would take over and go here, let me do it.
I mean, what sort of message am I sending when I do that?
What sort of message did I send him when I did that?
There would have been, you know, there was resentment towards me as well, for the lack of control that he had.
But then when I would offer to give back the reins, he would deny it or decline it and didn't want to do it.
But then that was our dynamic, right?
So when I should have an 80% ofmy feminine and allow my man to be 80% his masculine, then I'm taking care of myself within my own relationship, and I'm also being taken care of. I'm allowing myself to be adored, to be cherished, to be important, I'm actually asking for it, I'm asking to be that party, and I'm expecting it.
And if I'm not getting it, then I need to re look at it, have more conversation, or leave.
I'm not getting what I want.
But I'm also allowing him to be respected, and respecting his masculine.
And if I can't, like if I'm in a relationship with someone, I'm really just cannot respect their masculine, right?
Well, I shouldn't be in relationship with them.
I need to be in a relationship with a strong, strong masculine, because I'm a strong feminine, and I've also got strong masculine, right, I need a strong masculine that I can respect, that I can be proud of, that I can like support, and allow myself to receive, which has always been a problem in the past, allowing myself to receive because I thought I had it all by myself.
And what happens when we have this dynamic of masculine-feminine, is that chemistry that is there initially is maintained.
Because that initial chemistry between the male and the female is still there, and the feminine is getting to show up and she's being everything the man does not have.
And he wants that.
And the man is showing up, and he's being everything that she is not, that she doesn't have.
And she wants that.
And it's very, and initially, it's a thing that's there.
But then it has to become a conscious thing to keep it.
To keep that mutual respect, to keep that mutual shape, to allow this chemistry to be there, of the masculine, the feminine, with the feminine, not killing it, because it's often the feminine, that will kill it right, because she's been taught to be in her masculine in this culture, in this society, at school, by our parents, you know, you gotta go to school, you got to study hard, you got to get a job, you got to do this, you got to do that.
It's all masculine energy, and we've been taught to be in it.
And it's tricky to pull back from that, because we're taught that that's like, the right thing to be. And that's the good thing to be to be able to pull back and allow the masculine to have that role.
While our role is much more fun, much more flowing.
Sure, there's still housework and stuff that needs to get done. And our masculine needs to be within that. But we get to show up in relationship and be our own shape as well, we don't just have to conform, which is what tends to happen.
So if we bring our 50/50 union within ourselves, into relationship like that went up with this 50/50 union in relationship, we just become really good friends.
There's no chemistry, there's no desire, there's no craving, there's no juiciness in the relationship.
If we come into relationship with our masculine, which is often what happens in the feminine comes into the masculine, then eventually there will be just like a magnet into the magnet.
So we'll be repulsing each other, that just be zero chemistry at all.
So even friends can have, you know, fun together.
But you end up getting to a point where if the woman is too heavy in her masculine or the man is too heavily in his feminine, whether it's actually just repulsion there, you don't want to be touched, you don't want to be intimate with that person.
But when we can carry the 80-20 in, where he gets to be in his masculine 80% of the time and his feminine, she gets to be in her feminine 80% of the time and then in a masculine 20%.
And it's the whole Yin Yang.
And that's what that's about, the Yin Yang, with the white with the little black, black with the little white circle.
And the way the two fit together, the masculine the feminine coming together.
Then the chemistry is maintained.
The desire is there.
And that's why women's bodies are different to men's bodies, like we're all soft and squishy, and we've got breasts and we've got hips and they're all like hard and angular.
It's the difference that we're attracted to, right?
Yeah, sure, some people are attracted to same sex bodies.
And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I'm not saying there is but I'm just talking about the difference that we're attracted to.
So when we get into relationship, the last thing we need to be start doing is trying to force our partner to be just a cardboard cutout of ourselves, to make ourselves feel safe, because then we will no longer desire them.
Because we don't desire ourselves like that, right?
And that's what tends to happen.
We get into a relationship, and then we immediately start undermining them or trying to force our opinions on them or trying to make them feel like us are trying to have our interests or trying to be they are trying to be that, because we want to feel safe.
And we want to feel like if they're the same as us, and that makes us feel good about ourselves, right?
So we need to resist that temptation and allow them to be their own shape and respect them as a person, as we want to be respected as well.
And then consciously create that chemistry, go out of the way to make intimate practices, to have intimate time, don't just allow it to be something that happens.
Because the busier life gets, the less that will happened.
And, you know, we spent out like, all this time trying to get into relationship.
And then once we're in it, we don't spend the time keeping that fire alive, keeping that passion alive, we just kind of like when it kind of dies out, we'll go, Well, that wasn't right.
That fire can be rekindled when you can look at your lover, and see the person that is in there and appreciate them.
And you know, the other thing that happens when we try and make them be a cardboard cutout of ourselves is that they become this static thing.
We're not actually seeing them, we're not actually understanding them.
We're not curious about them, not curious to know what they think.
And we're not realizing that they are continuously evolving, that every day, they're a new shape, every day, there's a new thought in their head, we're not actually interested about them or who they are.
And when you're in a relationship, and that person is not actually interested about you and who you are, that's very soul sucking.
And I know from personal experience.
I was just meant to be the cardboard cut out.
And when I wasn't, it was like, he was unhappy.
And you know, if his view on our relationship is probably that he had a wife that didn't love him, and a wife that didn't want to be with him.
But I was different. And I was not appreciated, I was not celebrated in my differences.
And I didn't want to just sit on the couch every night watching telly, having the same opinions as him.
And he had no desire to really, really be curious about me and get to know who I was.
You know, when we first got together, sure we were more similar.
25 years on, there's a lot of growth that's gone on.
I changed a lot.
But I was still in there for that relationship.
But you know, it just got to a point where not only you not being supported, but the competition between the two of us because I was in my masculine. And then the fact that I had the control in the relationship meant that for him to feel like he had some sort of control in the relationship, it had to be putting me down and finding things that were wrong with me and things that I've done wrong.
And I allowed that, I created that.
Where you know, at any point in time, when I think about it, I mean towards the end, maybe not.
But at any point in time, if I had have had the knowledge that I had now, and if he had been open to actually doing as well, right because it takes two.
And this stuff you go into, it's not, you know, it's not a f*cking walk in the park.
It's painful sometimes going into yourself like this, to own it right to be able to have this freedom, but my God is it worth it.
So you need to consciously create your relationship and make time for intimate practices and it needs to be a priority. Date nights, temple nights, and then actually put time and effort into those moments and don't even just let them happen.
Okay, so we've set this time apart, then ugh..
Actually, as a masculine, set something up, surprise her.
As the feminine, put some effort in.
You know, wear beautiful clothing, feel beautiful.
how you are as well how you show up for yourself in your life.
And then you show up for your partner like that.
It's not just about doing it just for them. It's about doing it for you as well. put an effort into yourself and who you are, and then bring that into the relationship.
And yes, buy some stuff up, you know, talk about what you want and need, be honest about what you want in the bedroom.
And be open to the fact that maybe there is an incompatibility there. And then if one person needs to compromise, it's actually not going to be in their best interest.
It's not going to be true to them.
Because that's the other thing that happens in our box ticking exercise.
Once we get the security of that relationship and that box, we don't want to leave it, we don't leave that container because it's scary.
What does that mean about us?
And, you know, from us to go from something that's actually not satisfying us and not fulfilling us to something that is, there has to be that moment of nothingness in between, because it has to be the flow from one state to the other.
And when people just jump from one thing to the next without that in between state, then all they've got is another version of the same.
They haven't changed the energy of who they are to bring in the energy of what they want.
They're just attracted in more of the same.
And they may think, initially, this is amazing.
But if they thought back to what their first relationship that they just left was like, when they first got into it, they would remember that that's how they felt in that one as well.
And instead, they have more of the same and then they're like, you know, they don't start to take any responsibility for that actually being about what they're calling into their field and who they are.
So for us to go from being in something that we're not satisfied, and we're not happy, and realizing that there truly is incompatible, right.
And we've called that in to the energy of often our wounding, like attachment style woundings and everything, for us to go from that and to flow into something where we are exactly, where it is exactly what we want.
And you know, to consciously create that to work out what we want, and to hold the vibration of how that would be, how that would feel to have that.
And to recalling that into our being, there has to be that moment in between.
And you have to be willing to go through that.
And you have to be willing to sit in it alone, and not to cave and go back.
Or just take whatever just to make that pain go away in that moment.
But to be responsible for that and to go in, work out what you need, and to give it to yourself, and then to keep traveling through that until you can get to the point where you actually are the person who can receive what it is that you want.
Because quite often we're after something that we actually can't receive, if it turns up.
Can we receive unconditional love?
Not normally.
Can we be seen, you know, so many of us who are anxious attachers just want to be seen.
You know, when someone shows up and sees us we run away?
Because that's scary.
Because what does that mean?
What does that mean if someone sees us and then doesn't want us?
Just backs up all of those beliefs that we have about ourselves, and that's too painful, so we just won't allow it to happen.
Anyway, I have once again lost my track, I think I've said everything that I want to say.
Consciously create a relationship. Don't be scared to be in your feminine, don't be scared to be in your masculine.
Show up for yourself first, give yourself what you need first.
It's like put the oxygen mask on first, right?
Then bring that into relationship.
Allow your partner to be their own shape, to be their own identity and be totally curious about that.
Be fascinated by them.
And then consciously create moments of intimacy and connection and turn on.
And when you've set that time apart, make sure you create something but lead up to it. The play of it, you know, that's all part of the lead into it.
This is how we maintain the chemistry in our relationship.
This is how we maintain that polarity.
And this is how we you know keep things exciting and fun.
Now is the relationship you're in going to be the one that's forever and ever or is it the Cinderella story?
Who knows, I mean, I'm getting to the point now where I realized that relationship is really there to allow us to evolve consciously and spiritually.
Because when you're in relationship, you should get stretched up fast.
And it gives us a chance to look at stuff and it gives us the chance to go into stuff.
And is the person that you're with the person you're going to be with once you've moved through the stuff that they're triggering up?
Maybe not unless they're also moving through their stuff as well.
So that story, that lie that we've been told through marriage, and that oath that we make.
Why?
So that we, you know, tied to someone that we're desperately unhappy with by the time we're 50 or 60.?
Does that mean that we shouldn't work in our relationship?
No, it means that we should look at our relationship because that is where we learn so much about ourselves.
But we should also and foremost, we're working on our own relationship within ourselves.
Okay, so now for me today, I hope you got something out of that.
As always, if you want to know more about this, just reach out to me, donna@donnajoyusher.com.
You know, we're going to be launching some stuff very, very soon.
Starting to work with a friend of mine and we're brainstorming at the moment, we have so much between us to share.
I'm not quite sure how this is going to come out.
But we're going to be running some workshops.
And we're thinking maybe on this whole like, you know, just a state of how to be and initiation and you know, coming into self and empowerment and things around that, things that we're pretty both pretty passionate about.
Okay, so have an amazing day and I will see you next time.