Whether you realise it or not, you experience the vast majority of your life through automated thoughtware programs that are creating your perception and reality of events that happen. How does this work? Why does this happen? And how can we make it work for us? Listen to this podcast episode of Living Through Heart for those answers and much, much more.
Whether you realise it or not, you experience the vast majority of your life through automated thoughtware programs that are creating your perception and reality of events that happen.
How does this work? Why does this happen? And how can we make it work for us? Listen to this podcast episode of Living Through Heart for those answers and much, much more.
Hi, It's Donna Joy Usher, and welcome to this 62nd episode of the living through heart podcast.
And today I want to talk about what program are you running,
what program is running in the background?
And I want to talk about this because of something that happened on the weekend that made me really, really aware.
I mean, I'm always aware of what programs are running.
But it gave me a really beautiful example of the difference between being aware of the program and how you can move through life that way, and being hijacked by the program where you're totally unaware.
And the vast majority of people go through life, totally unaware that there is a program running.
They're living in a life where they think that this is their reality, not realizing that it's their perception of the events that are happening and unfolding.
And quite often, they're creating these events too, in their way.
So it's a whole like chicken and egg thing, right?
Well, we have a program running in the background.
And these programs were created by very small versions of us, when we're babies, toddlers, you know, when we're still in the unconscious mind, before we formed our conscious mind which is about seven.
And we're learning how to stay safe in the world, we're learning what things mean.
And more importantly, we're learning what things mean about us.
So these things that we're learning are not true.
They're just beliefs that we're forming.
And these create the neurological wiring of our brain, these beliefs are wired up so that our brain is wired up to loop in patterns, and to alert us to danger.
Because the unconscious mind is trying to keep us safe.
So just like it learns to do things like ride a bike, clean our teeth, do things that we can do automatically without thinking about.
It learns other things in life, our brain, and it sets us up through the neurological wiring.
And then things like the biochemistry, the brain chemistry, the hormones that are released, are what warns us and alerts us and make us move away from things that are dangerous.
You know, when you get that instinct, it's often not gut instinct, it's often not intuition, so much as it is your bodily response, you know, the solar plexus, the emotions that are there that are being triggered up by the brain, releasing certain hormones, and certain things that are like warning us from danger.
Which is great, right?
It's an amazing system that we have, and we are amazing creatures, human beings with this amazing body that we have.
But what we need to remember that these programs were written by children, by toddlers, by babies, trying to stay safe in the world.
And quite often the things that they're warnings about to stay away from, are not things that are actually dangerous to the adult.
And they probably weren't even dangerous to the child.
But some of them, I mean, a lot of them were, but some of them weren't dangerous to the child either.
It was just the way we made sense of things when things happen that we couldn't comprehend, we made sense of it by making it mean something about ourselves.
And we go through life continuously making things mean something about ourselves.
So for instance, you know, if Mum doesn't read your story one night, when you go to bed, and it makes you feel a certain way when you're a child, and you can't understand why she's not doing this, and really what you can't comprehend is it's like mum's really exhausted, mum's really tired, mum's really fed up, maybe mum had a fight with dad that you're unaware of.
And she's just like, she can't be there. And she just need some time out, right?
But as a toddler, you don't understand that, you can't go oj, it's okay.
And sometimes the adult mind in reflection of these moments will go, "Oh, it's okay, Mom was just like this, that's okay".
And we write off the child and what it meant to the child.
But the problem is that it's what it meant to the child that is still the program.
And so many people bypass this stuff in life, they bypass the real problem, which is what the child but the baby made it mean by making it okay with the adult mind.
And both of them are true, because neither of them are right.
Everything is true or not true at the same time.
Because it's true to us, but it's true to us because it's our belief and it's our perception and it might not be true to somebody else.
So therefore, if what is true to us is not true to somebody else then what is really true and the truth is that there is no truth.
That can be a truth.
Anyway, so the child is making something mean something and when the adult... and I had this in therapy where they like, Oh, yes, but Mum this and mum that and I'm like, listen stop.
Yes, as an adult, we can appreciate that mom was going through a hard time or dad was going through a hard time and they're just doing the best job they can and we can love them, we're can absolutely love them with our whole heart.
But the problem was created by the child not understanding that.
And now what is locked in our body is the emotion that was too hard for us to process, the pain, the grief, the sadness, the anger, or the emotion that we weren't allowed to have, or punished for having, or the emotion that it wasn't safe to have.
And rather than allowing this to come through as the time, we've now resisted it, and this is still what's locked in our body.
And this is what's created the belief and this is what's creating the autonomic nervous system and the release of the hormones in our body.
And this is what is the underlying program that is actually running out of life.
So I remembered a long, a while ago, probably not that long ago, and before I was kind of aware of how this all works.
So I mean, I started getting, I've always been interested in self development, reading books, I remember from, you know, a teenager.
But it wasn't until I actually became a hypnotherapist and got into therapy myself, actually, before I became a hypnotherapist, that I started to realize how often I was being hijacked.
And when we hijacked, we're triggered, and we're caught up in a reaction, or for whatever unknown reason, we're just in a foul mood, or we're like, such as it can be a beautiful hijack, we're happy, right?
Amazing.
But more often than not, it's like we're just irritable, we're grumpy, we're angry.
And we have no freaking idea why.
And it's because we're being hijacked, we're being hijacked by our own mind.
And it's not often conscious, we're being hijacked by our unconscious mind creating something.
And it's because we're making something mean about ourselves.
And the only way that we can make sense of the world is through making everything mean something about ourselves, even when we think we're making it means something about somebody else.
Because we are really the only thing that is real for us and everybody else is just created by our perceptions of them and projections onto them, our reactions to them, are reflection within them.
And until we can really start to understand ourselves, and be with ourselves and see this program inourselves and actually appreciate ourselves for who we really are and love ourselves....
So then you know that trying to understand and appreciate and love somebody else.
It's kind of like a what level are we understanding ourselves and appreciating ourselves and loving ourselves is what level we can also do for somebody else.
And so the more work we do on ourselves within this, the deeper into ourselves we go, the deeper our connection, can be with the people around us, because we're not judging ourselves, therefore, we're not judging them.
When we stopped making everything mean something about ourselves, because we're observing it, then we stopped making the stuff that they're doing made something about us, and we're able just to allow them to be them.
And to appreciate them, to not judge them just to allow them to be.
So there's what actually happened.
There's like the facts of what actually happened, and then there's what we make those things mean.
And the what we make them mean is our reality.
It's our perception in the moment.
And this is why sometimes you might be aware, sometimes you can actually choose to fall one way or the other.
Like, am I going to choose to get angry about this?
Or am I going to choose to see the humor in it?
I mean, when there's two vastly different reactions that you can choose from, which of them is real?
Neither of them are, that's the thing.
It's just a choice of how we're going to be in this moment.
And it's what we're going to make it mean about us or we're going to make it mean, that allows us to have this choice, like are we going to make it mean that somehow we're under threat?
Somehow we're not good enough, and then we get angry and defensive?
Or are we going to make it mean something that allows us to see it funny, it's funny.
And sometimes when we do that, when we're seeing something as funny, really, we're actually what we're making, it means that we're not important.
So it's multifactorial, and very layered.
And the more work you do and the more stuff you shift and the more expansion you have, the more you can start to see the nuances and the subtleties of how the unconscious mind and the belief systems really work.
So I'll you story about what happened that is what's made me be really reflecting on this.
I mean, it's always there in my mind, but why reflecting.
So if Friday, no sorry, Saturda.
So it's now Monday.
So on Saturday, my, my beautiful best friend, Shanna and I who are in business together, we have our Savage Boho Studio jewelery where we make, you know, copper formed crystal jewelry.
And we had our first market.
So we're so excited, right?
And we worked so hard leading up to this, creating and doing our branding and getting our, getting all our like our things to hang our jewelry on.
And it was exhausting, right?
And we were finally ready.
And then it was like Friday was crazy, we had done so much work all through the week, I was having to put all my other stuff aside, and we're just concentrating on this, and we're creating and we're cleaning and we're tagging up and we're labeling and we're like, you know setting up big markets.
So we did a big markets or set up down in my apartment building carpark.
You know, the full market yard and all the tables and how we're going to lay this out and how we're going to display our staff.
And then and it was so funny, because we're like, first thing that we have to do on Friday, the thing that we have to do, so we have to do the payment... we have to work out our pricing, and can't do anything else, we work that out, we've got to get all set up in square, we've got to like work come up with a label.
And there we are, like 10 o'clock at night, we still haven't done our pricing.
It's like, oh, how did this happen?
Because we kept putting it off and putting it off, right?
And it's one thing that we just wouldn't didn't want to do, there was always something more important.
Anyway, finally, 11.
Like I said, I can't, I'm just exhausted, we're just gonna have to go to bed.
And we're just gonna have to like, do, you know, do makeshift pricing and we get there, and we just have to work on this later.
And then six o'clock, I wake up, it's raining.
And I'm like we had matching dresses.
And Shanna is a lot shorter than me. And hers was like touching the ground.
And I was going to take it up the night before.
But then we I'm sorry, I can't, I'm too exhausted.
And then I'm like, I wake up, I'm like, I can't have her out there in this dress.
It's like touching the ground.
So I have up at six.
And I'm like taking her dress up.
And then I'm like, oh, we really need prices.
So there I'm at six in the morning, we've got to leave at 7am.
And I'm finally doing price lists and stuff.
So we get to the market, we find our place, it's raining, it's not too bad.
We set up the all thing, right, we've got everything on display.
And then we realize... got holes in the roof, got water coming through.
So then I'm up on this.
There's a rigidly chair, which is holding, it's like one of those things that just folds up on itself, right.
And I'm up there, and I got tape.
And I'm taping the inside of the roof of this marquee because it's stuff you're playing through.
And it is a bit of lightning, okay, it's a little bit of a storm around.
And I'm like, okay, this feels to me like this is going to clear up soon I'm looking at the cloud cover, and I've got from having lived in Cannes for quite a few years.
And being fishing, spending a lot of time fishing and out in the boat, I'm going to kind of a bit of a feel, a sense for the weather.
I'm not saying I'm always gonna get it right.
But I kind of felt that this was going to clear up and that it was going to stop raining soon.
And there I am.
I'm up on this chair, patching the inside of the marquee and they turn up, the organizer said, we're calling.
It's too dangerous.
And I'm like, what, like, I mean, what I was doing the chair was far more dangerous than the weather situation at that time.
The lightning and the thunder were a far apart part, which meant that it was not overhead.
And I'm like, Okay, well, can we just go and stand at the buildings, I get it, I get that there's some danger with you know, us getting struck by lightning?
"Can we just go down the buildings and wait for the storm to pass that?"
"No"
I'm like, "Okay. So now you want us to pad down in the storm, like touching the metal and stuff in the rain. Okay, that makes total sense."
So by the time the market was due to start, the rain had stopped, we're all packed down.
And we were driving home.
And we kind of really needed this market to get some money in our bank account.
Because we're going to Bali in a month.
And we're gonna go crystal shopping, and we want to write off on tax.
And we've just paid for flights and we wanted to get some money back, right.
And then so here we are, we've put all this hard work in, all this effort in, we're exhausted, we're now demoralized where I was, I was just so tired.
She had been like struggling all week with fibromyalgia flare up.
And she'd been having this horrible electric shock, pain and muscle cramps.
And so we've been doing work on that.
And we've gotten through to the point of doing this and then it had just been taken away from us against our will.
So there was two things going on.
That was the one thing of that.
And then the second thing that was going on for me was that there was someone that I had been having like a, you know, interested energy going on with who would said they might come and see us at the markets.
So we're driving home.
And we're both just observing ourselves in the moment and we started to talk about what program was running for us.
And it was so beautiful because rather than just getting up and like...
the woman in the stall next to us it was so funny, too upset, just was in the foulest mood and she's swearing, she's slamming stuff around, "I should have followed my intuition".
She's this and she's that, she's huffing and puffing.
And we're both like, oh, well, we've got the market set up, we might as well get some photos, we may as well ... let's work out what we need to change.
And we're just like using it as like, okay, things happen, it's out of our control.
You know, what, what can we get out of this? What can we do?
We're like, okay, we probably need to...
And yeah, let's work on it.
And do we need to get some more display stands before the next thing.
And we're just using it to like, go, okay, we did a, we did a market run set up.
So this woman next to us is totally hijacked.
She's totally caught up in whatever.
And she's allowing this foul mood to run.
And, you know, what do you get from a foul mood but feeling awful and terrible, and why you choose to stay in that?
And instead, we're observing our programs.
And I love my, I love my peeps, I love my friends, that we can actually do this together when we can, rather than having someone who's just caught up in a story, and who was fiercely guarding their story and their perception of something, to be able to get beneath the story.
And to realize that the story that's there is only there because of the program, right?
It's what we're what we're building.
And it's like, almost like, we're continuously creating a story, but continuously creating the world and how it is and how we see it and everything around us, right?
As we move through it, and our perception of it.
And it's all just happening in our mind.
It's like where we're sensing stuff, we're seeing stuff, our brain, we're feeding information to our brain, our brain is interpreting it, it's making it mean stuff, are we safe?
Are we not safe? Are we being threatened?
What are we making this mean about us?
And, you know, it's all just, it's like, we're creating the movie, the story as we move through life.
And then often, we're just not realizing that somebody's being a victim to it.
So her program that she was running was the I'm not allowed.
I'm not allowed to be successful,
I'm not allowed to make money.
She's studying really hard.
She's doing a double degree in psychology and counseling and working full time.
And now doing this, right?
And things are tight for her.
You know, she, until recently, you know, she's been paying for rent herself.
She's got a really old cat that has really high vet bills.
And, you know, she's invested into this business.
And we had initially had some money, but then we've spent it all right to get to this point.
So she's running this I'm not allowed program.
And I did have a little bit of that in the background, running the I'm not allowed, but I was running a program, which is more to do with ridiculously, the fact that this person might or might not have even been coming to the market, might or might not have shown up, but the fact in my head that they might show up on my behalf, or our behalf.
And we weren't there.
And then putting in this effort on my behalf.
And then me not showing up and meeting the energy or being there was going to mean, that that was it.
Like, ah, it's too much hard work.
And I guess that was my own not allowed, like, I wasn't allowed to have someone make an effort on my behalf, and show up for me.
And it made me feel so unsafe in my body.
And it made me and it just made me see this old program, it's still there, a lot more subtle.
Still there.
After all the work I've done, where I have to just make everything so easy for them.
Because otherwise I'm going to be high maintenance or otherwise I'm going to be too much or otherwise,
they just can't be bothered, right?
And I've had... my other business partner Jodi, we do the self development and the live events, we're just starting out with unleashingyou.net.
I have seen her in her relating with men that she's seeing and how she just goes in and says it how it is and tell them to fuck off.
Blah, blah, blah, you're not showing up with me?
And how they come running back?
And oh, no, we need to talk about it.
And I'm like, "how do you do that? How do you get away with that?"
Like the last couple of times that I've actually called someone in something.
I mean, I think I mentioned quite a few episodes ago about how I finally allowed myself to express my anger about something and they blocked me.
I laugh now, but it was really painful at the time.
And what that triggered up in me it was my fear of rejection.
So I've got these programs running in the background, this abandonment, rejection, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, and that leads to the "I can't do anything that makes me be too much", which then means I'm attracting in what I attract in is the people where I am too much or I'm not allowed at all, you know, like, it's like, ugh, they could take me or leave me, right?
Whereas even if I'm in my energy where I'm fuckin allowed to be who I am, I'm allowed to say no, I'm allowed to say that's not enough, I'm allowed to say I am a priority, I am important, then what I'm going to call is somebody who can meet me in that because they're also doing that with themselves.
And it's like what I said earlier, when we, when we go deep into ourselves, and we understand ourselves better, we know ourselves better. And we're not judging ourselves, we're not being so hard on ourselves, and we stopped doing it with other people.
Kind of like the reverse flip is that when we are in our energy of being in our power, and I'm not talking about being a bully, and forcing ourselves onto people, because it's that difference between power, being in our personal power, where we just are allowed to be us, and to say no, and to have our own shape.
And to not have to, like, you know, it's just a very gentle thing, versus trying to force our opinions on to other people to stay safe, right?
But what if I can be in my power of the No, and that's not enough, and I am important, and if I'm making myself important to me, then I'm going to attract someone who's making themselves important to themselves, and who can respect this, and I can actually match me in it.
And it was interesting for me to see this program still running through me, and how upset I was, and how devastated I was on this deeper level of feeling like I was not allowed, and I was never going to have what I wanted, which is basically, someone who is going to prioritize me, might be important and adore me.
And it's not like, I'm just going to stand off and allow that to happen, I want to be doing the same thing, I want to be met in creating this energetic structure.
But it was showing me how quickly and easily I was ready to limit myself to be loved, collapse myself to be loved, to not make a ruffle or to not make it, you know, make it too much effort on their behalf, to make everything okay, like I have been doing where something happens, and then I always go and I make myself that second option that's that make myself I allow myself to be a second priority.
And I can always see it from their point of view.
And I always make it okay, when I swallow the pain, and I resist the things and the program was still there running.
So it was a really amazing thing that happened that was not at all related to this thing that this program was running in the background.
So to be able to observe that.
And now, if you're still listening to this, then you get it right?
If you're the sort of person who's just like, unconscious, still, you will just stop listening to this quite a while ago.
Or you will just be thinking, "ugh, what's this chick going on about ? Jesus, she's like..",
It was my very beautiful ex husband would say, "Oh, you're hanging on a bit tight, aren't you?"
And, you know, last night I had, I did a process with my girlfriend, Charlotte.
She's in Tenerife, and we jumped on Zoom together.
And she's working with this group called Possibility Management that you've heard me, might have heard me mentioned a few times.
And we did this thing currently, it was called it was like getting underneath the heart or getting into the heart.
And it was quite fun.
So we jumped on, I had this conversation first, which was very heartfelt, and very deep anyway, and then we're like, okay, well, let's officially do this thing.
So it was 10 minutes each, or just sharing a feeling into our body of being aware of what we say with our body, what the physical, physiological symptoms of our body were, going into the emotions that were there with this, and what was the program that was running this?
What was the thoughts that were there?
What were the fears that were there?
What was the emotion?
For me, it was anguish, for her was fear.
And we went really deeply into this working deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and into it.
And, for me, it was a program that I've been aware of recently.
You know, I've cleared a lot of "I'm not worthy", and "I'm not lovable".
But what is there now is something, something wrong with me.
"I'm going to be alone forever. There's something wrong with me, no one's going to want me".
That's the program that's been running recently for me.
And what I hadn't realized that was there was this shame.
There was shame there that was in my body, that when I went into it, shame that there was something wrong with me.
And that was all my fault that no one wanted me.
And I can still I can feel it now in my solar plexus when I'm gonna hit this shame.
And it's almost like this shrinking like, and like this desire to take myself away, because there's something wrong with me.
No one's gonna want me anyway, so why bother trying right?
And so I was able to go into that and observe that which was really great.
Which I had, because I hadn't known that was there before.
So I mean, you might be thinking, what's the point of going into this stuff?
What's the point of going in deep to it? Does it change anything? Does it make any difference?
And the answer is yes, it makes all the difference in the world because
when you're aware, consciously of the unconscious program, or what is no longer unconscious, right, when you can go into and make something that's unconscious conscious and have a conscious observation of it, sometimes that in itself is enough to actually dissolve it.
Sometimes it's enough to bring up something that you need to work deeper into.
Okay, so where does this come from?
Like, for me, this shame thing feels... it's big.
And it's like, for me, it feels like this sphere, this globe that I'm bumping up against.
So there's something in there that I haven't actually been to yet.
Or maybe it's a memory I've been to.
But a new level on that memory, a difference in that memory, something that didn't get worked into, because within a split second, I mean, we're energetic, stuff gets locked into us. In a split second, there is always multiple levels of things that we need to go through.
When there's there was a moment of trauma.
And especially when it's soft trauma, that is us, forming our unconscious mind, and layering stuff in and making it means something about us, there's always these different levels.
There's the sadness of the meaning, then there's the anger, because on a deep level, we know it's not true.
We know it's not fair.
There's anguish, there's frustration, there's like, fear surrounding this thing.
There's all these different layers.
And the very bottom will be one, one thing that's underpinning it all.
And when we can get to that one thing, then we can heal and dissolve it.
So sometimes we go to a memory, but we don't get all the way to the bottom. And sometimes it's because we don't know how to get there, or the person working with us isn't isn't asking us the right questions.
And sometimes we're just not ready for it.
Like it's these layers that were healing.
So when we can go into these and observe these things in ourselves... so it's a difference between us on Saturday, just being feral and angry and hijacked, and, and unpleasant and not knowing why and then feeling revolting, versus being able to actually have a conversation surrounding what program was running for us and how that was making us feel.
And still being able to function with this running.
So still being able to show up, do what needed to be done to still be personable.
And to be able to be with ourselves, and to give ourselves what we needed in those moments.
So I mean, we basically got everything set up, I came home, and I went to sleep for a few hours and just helped my heart and heal my heart.
And it's okay, you're safe, you are allowed, you are allowed to be, you are allowed to be in your power, you are allowed to say no, and anybody who doesn't let you say no isn't your person.
Anyone who is going to expect you to become another version of them, or to be the shape or that for you to have to keep being the one that compromises and conforms to meet them, they're not the person.
And I'm not saying that this person was that.
It was like what I was ready to do to be accepted, to be lovable.
That was being shown to me that it was still there.
And so for me to watch myself within that, for me to be able to observe myself and go, oh, hang on, I'm about to do that thing again.
And to catch myself in that and then go okay, well, what is really true for me at this moment, what's really true for me in this moment is that I'm a priority, that I'm important.
And sometimes, sometimes we have to compromise.
Sometimes shit comes up, and we can't be that priority, you know.
But when it's something that's happening over and over again, there's always a good reason for it.
And this person may not be able to just give us what we need, rather than us to keep conforming or compromising.
And once again, I'm not saying that this has anything to do with this potential thing that was happening.
It's just me observing myself in the past with past relationships about how I was and how I was being.
So doing this sort of stuff, it's like the difference between... let's just use the weather.
When you have no idea what the weather is going to be like, and the you're you're actually at the mercy of it, like maybe you know, 100 years ago before they set up these like around the world weather stuff.
And we can predict weather patterns, wnd we know what temperature it's going to be a week in advance.
And we know whether or not we need a hat, whether we need a jumper, whether needed an umbrella, weather need sunscreen, you know, we know what's going to happen, because we've got this information that's coming to us, right?
Whereas before they did that, they had no idea.
Is it going to rain tomorrow? Is it going to be stormy?
I it going to be thundering?
Like a ship at sea...
The weather will just come through.
And are they going to drown?
Is it going to be such a big storm that they're going to go under?
I mean, they will read to learn the signs of the weather, but to better forecast and go hey, listen next week at tornadoes coming, you better get to shore.
It's the information that we get given that allows us to make decisions that are more in alignment that are able to keep us safe.
So it's kind of like rather than being caught up in a storm that you can't, you have no control over, right?
You didn't even know it was coming.
And now you're just like, ah, in it.
It's like, ah, okay, there's a storm coming, the weather patterns coming through, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna do this.
So this is the difference, when you're aware of what's going on beneath.
You cannot, you can allow yourself to not get caught up, to not be reacting to something in such a way that later on, you're gonna regret it right?
Often when we react... we bar that, we flare and we attack back.
And our response is normally totally over the top and not in alignment with what is needed in that moment.
Because it's a program that's running in the background.
And it's not really what's happening in that moment.
That's the problem.
It's like this belief system, that we're not important, or we're not this or we're not that or we have to fight to survive, or we're not allowed to have abundance or whatever the program is, it's running, it's what's causing this and what we're making it mean about ourselves, which is normally I'm not important, not lovable, you know, I have to be perfect.
So it's the what I'm making it mean, and then the underlying belief that's around that.
So really, you know, being able to go within to be able to be with what's there.
What does that give us?
Well, it gives us choice, it really gives us freedom, it allows us to live more in a state of what we would describe as a positive emotion, right. So more happiness, more joy, more freedom, because we're not getting caught up. And when we're not always making something means something negative about ourselves, when we're able to observe that that's there, and then to have it there, but not having it own us, then we can be happier, we can be freer.
And rather than having to live unconsciously, and then being unhappy all the time, and then dulling that with TV and with alcohol and drugs and always like having to always network and always having to be with people because we can't be with ourselves.
Because when we're with ourselves, it's too uncomfortable, because of the pain that's there that we're trying to resist.
And most people go through life like this.
Most people go through life, trying to resist the physiological symptoms, the pain that's inside, the voice that's there in their head.
And they resist it.
And they put all these barricades in place.
Like, if they're not with somebody, if they have to be by themselves, they either have to be lost in social media scrolling, or in Netflix, or in alcohol and Netflix, you know, or, because it's so uncomfortable to be with what is because of the belief that's there.
And they're totally unconscious that this is what it is, they just know that on a deep level, they're very unhappy.
And then some people jump from relationship to relationship to relationship to relationship to relationship, trying to find that happiness, trying to have someone make them happy, when in reality, it's their job.
And if you can't make yourself happy, if you can't be happy by yourself, then you're never going to be able to be happy with someone else long term.
And it was interesting.
Last night, I was going into this stuff again.
And it was actually starting to take over, was saying to hijack me.
And I caught myself in it, I caught myself in because Shanna was here and we were getting all the labeling, finishing, the processing, and the tagging and all the printing and the laminating and then the sticking on to the little boxes for the rings.
And because I was so busy doing that, the symptoms, the physiological symptoms of what was the program was starting to overtake me.
And I caught myself in the fear of being alone forever, and the pain of that, right?
And my thought was that I wanted to take her home.
I was looking forward to taking her home so I could be alone to process the pain of being alone.
And I was just like, well hang on.
This is crazy.
I'm here with her, not alone, with someone who loves me.
And you know with my best friend and we're having this thing together and I'm caught up in this fear of being alone forever.
And I'm not alone at the moment.
So, I was able just to once I could see that once I could see this desire to be alone, so I could be with my fear of being alone.
Once I shone the light on it. I was able to see the humor in it and that just dissolved.
And I was able to just relax and enjoy myself again and enjoy her company and enjoy the moment, the present moment.
Because this is all that is true in life is the present moment and what we're making it mean about our selves, what we're making it mean in general.
And when we can live from that present moment, when we can be in the present moment, then life changes.
And we're not having to control, we're not having to force an outcome, which is I was very good at having to always be in control of how things looked to make sure that I was going to feel safe within it'll get what I wanted within it.
And when we're having to do that, you know, you imagine everyone out there trying to control stuff, right?
And we're all trying to force each other, to have things the way that we want them.
And then and then some of us are just like, oh, yeah, but compromising because that's how we stay safe.
But when we can be in the present moment, and be safe within the present moment, and just flow from moment to moment, seeing how we feel and a choice and being aware of the underlying program and making sure we're not being hijacked by it, making sure we're not recreating the same pattern over and over again.
And that's where true freedom comes in.
So, I hope you got something from my ramble.
I did have some notes.
I think I mentioned everything.
But yeah, if you want to check our jewelries, savagebohostudio.com.
And yeah, go check out our stuff.
It's beautiful, beautiful jewelry and, and we love it.
And we put our heart and soul into this stuff.
So and we were a lot of it.
That was our biggest problem solving was like when we had like a training that was one ring that wasn't kind of working with and I go well, we don't have room for another tag and just we've got the multi and the single but this is a three in the multi suppliers and what do we do and then we just go, does this fit you?
It's yours.
Ended up with these ones here, my beautiful Australian opals.
If you're on YouTube, you can see these now.
These are acquired from the stock box weekend.
So yeah, or unleashingyou.net.
That's my business reason my friend Jodi at the moment where we are about to run our first live event in Perth, though, we will be running online stuff.
So if you go check out that link, unleashingyou.net, will take you wherever you need to go in this moment to show you what is available from that into the business.
And of course there's livingthroughheart.com
My personal brand and
donnajoyusher.com, which got everything.
It'll have the jewelry, it'll have the... and I say well because I need to update that site.
But yeah, it's gonna be my hub for everything I do.
So my books, my fiction books, my jewelry, you know, all my passions, my creative passions, like helping people, the healing, the events that we're running, you know, future there'll be retreats and stuff like that.
So yeah, go check out those sites if you want to know more about me, if you want to see what I'm up to, and if you can see how I can help you.
Okay, see you next time.