In this episode of Living Through Heart, Donna Joy Usher explores what it truly means to speak from the heart. She delves into how emotions hold valuable information and why embracing themโrather than suppressing themโallows for deeper self-awareness, healing, and connection with others. Drawing on insights from her personal journey, hypnotherapy, and energetic awareness, Donna shares how speaking and listening from the heart can transform relationships, release old programming, and lead to more authentic interactions.
Have you ever felt like your words donโt fully capture whatโs in your heart? Or that your emotions are too big, too messy, too raw to be shared? In this episode of Living Through Heart, Donna Joy Usher explores what it truly means to speak from the heartโnot just as a concept, but as a lived practice that can transform the way we connect with ourselves and others.
Speaking from the heart isnโt just about being honestโitโs about deep self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and allowing ourselves to be fully seen. But most of us have been conditioned to filter, suppress, or manipulate our words out of fear of judgment, rejection, or conflict. In this episode, Donna unpacks how embracing the power of emotional expression and deep listening can change the way we communicate and create more authentic relationships.
Join Donna as she dives into:
โ๏ธ The four core emotionsโjoy, anger, sadness, and fearโand why all feelings stem from these primary states.
โ๏ธ Why emotions are simply energy in motion, carrying valuable insights rather than something to be suppressed.
โ๏ธ The societal conditioning that teaches us to filter and suppress our feelingsโand how to break free from it.
โ๏ธ How speaking from the heart is an act of courage, vulnerability, and radical responsibility.
โ๏ธ The importance of listening from the heartโholding space without judgment or the need to fix.
โ๏ธ What happens when we own our feelings rather than blame others for them.
โ๏ธ How learning to honor your truth transforms relationships, heals wounds, and builds self-trust.
This episode is an invitation to step into your most honest, raw, and authentic selfโto show up as you truly are, without the need to control how others perceive you.
Tune in now and learn how to free yourself from the fear of speaking your truth and instead, fully embody the power of your voice.
Hello, I'm Donna Joy Usher and I want to welcome you to this 66th episode of the living through heart Podcast. Today I want to talk about speaking from the heart. And it might sound like a really basic thing, speaking from the heart. I know we all, I mean, I talk about living through heart and speaking through the heart, but recently, I've been given greater clarity and shown a greater way of doing this and being this.ย
And I, you know, I have a friend, a good friend, Charlotte Shockley, who I've mentioned probably before. You know, she trained me as a hypnotherapist and a psychotherapist, and, you know, we've done lots of different journeys together. And I was the CEO CEO her COO for a while in her business, and she's been really doing a lot of work with a group called possibility management, and started to really feel into and spend time with and be with emotion in her body. And then the four core, ย core feelings, which are a joy, and then there's anger, sadness and fear and other and all other feelings and emotions are actually like a mixture of these ones.ย
Sometimes they blend together, and they can create other feelings, other emotions, other vibrations in our body when there's more than one. But at the at the base of all of this, it's kind of like colors, right? We're gonna primary colors. We've got our primary feelings, and when we blend these feelings together, like when we blend those primary colors together, we can get different colors. We can, you know, put blue and yellow together, and we can get green. It's like this with feelings, all right.ย
So we've got these four main core feelings, and when we bring them together, they create these other different feelings. And there's like, you know. So for instance, frustration can be a mix of anger and fear, you know. So anyway, listening to her explore this and go into it really deeply and learn to vibrate really, learn to welcome the vibrations of these feelings in her body has given me a greater clarity and understanding and an ability to do this myself. So what is speaking from the heart, and why do we want to do it?ย
Well, you know, most of us live in a world where we we don't even have clarity on what we feel about something. It's like we've packed away who we really are, and we've put on we've put on clothes of who we think we have to be. And we, you know, I think I said to you in a couple of episodes ago, when I was going through that, you know, who am I? Who am I now, and just realizing that I had never had, I went through this moment of like, not knowing who I was and realizing I'd never had an original thought. I'd never had an original, you know, opinion, all of my thoughts and my beliefs and my opinions were given to me, and I could feel that every word that had ever come out of my mouth had actually been given to me by somebody else but my caretakers, or by a teacher or, you know, I had learned to be a certain way by mapping off other people when I was a small child, and I didn't know who I was at that time, and it was, you know, I had to work through the layers of that to get down to be able to really be in my truth of who I am.ย
And that's a journey that's going to keep unfolding. I'm sure it's like, one of those things where you're like, Yeah, I finally get that. And then six months later, like, oh yeah. Now I really get that. And then another six months later, you're like, oh yeah. Now I really get that. It's like that ever deepening into self, so when we can be really with our feelings and to know that they are just energy in our bodies. They are just giving us information about things, and to not be scared of them, and when we can speak from them, then really, we're coming as close to being in our truth as we can be. We're coming as close to being, you know, who we. Are as we can be. And what speaking from the heart allows us to do is to be seen by other people.ย
So it's scary, and it allows us to see it allows us to see things inside ourselves too that we don't want to admit sometimes, because sometimes when you have to admit something, it means that now you have to take action on it, right? And I think that's why a lot of people, you know, go through life unconsciously, really unaware of what they really feel like something, and maybe they'll have a feeling, but it's just the top layer. And they don't have the next one down, the next one down, the next one down. They don't have the complexities of the layers that go into one thing, one moment in time, can create all of these different feelings at once, which we'll go into later.ย
So when we can actually be with these things within ourselves, then we can see ourselves. And then we have to take action sometimes, or we have to own our shit, you know, we have to own something about ourselves that maybe we're trying to deny, or we have to be really real with somebody else in a way that we didn't want to because we didn't want to hurt their feelings.ย
So speaking from the heart can be scary, absolutely, but it's also so freeing when you can feel what everything that's there, and then feel how you feel about actually voicing that, and then still go and do it every way, you know anyway, and then to be heard, you know, and to be held in that it's super powerful and really healing. So to be able to speak from the heart, we also need to be able to listen from the heart.ย
So when someone is speaking and explaining something to us, we need to be able to hold space for them and really hear it and not react, even if maybe what we're hearing is something that we don't like, and to listen with our entire body, like Not just our mind analyzing, but our body and recognizing, observing what's happening within our own body and our own feelings when they are speaking and really taking full responsibility, radical responsibility, for ourselves, for our reactions, for our responses, you know, for where we're at and how we feel when we hear somebody say something, you know,ย
I hear some people say, you know, I hear a lot of people say, actually. And I even catch myself saying this sometimes, like, you know, you make me feel you make me feel this. So you make me feel that. But the truth is that nobody can make us feel anything, because that's ours. That's That's our secret power feeling, and it goes both ways, right? So no one can make us feel bad. We choose to feel bad about something, but no one can also make us feel good. You know, we choose to feel good about it, and that's our that's our choice. So you know, we need to own that.ย
We need to own that we're responsible for our feelings, and we need to be able to listen to what other people are saying, hear it, and then see what comes up for us, see what's there within that, see what feelings there is there within that, and then be able to answer back from our own heart. And sometimes that means saying scary things that we fear may get us in trouble, or, you know, that we are scared we're going to make someone angry and they're going to respond, they're not going to like what we say.ย
But it means saying it anyway, because when we can do that, when we can speak from our heart, then we're really valuing ourselves, we're honoring ourselves, and we're also honoring the other person as well, by gifting them that, by gifting them our truth. So how do we speak from the heart? Well, we get out of our head to start with, and we get into our body and into our feelings, and then we go deep down into what is really there, and then we allow it to, kind of like, open up, to feel, it's almost like we're dropping into it and feel it in our body, and then see what's there and why it's there.ย
So you know, if what you're sensing is sadness, you don't just think, I'm sad, it's like, well, I'm sad. Because, like, why am I sad? What's the information that that sadness holds? You know, I'm angry. I'm angry because, and what's the information that's there in that anger? And the truth is that in any one moment in time, given one piece of information, like one thing that happens when we get right down to it, often all of these feelings will be triggered. All of these feelings will be there, and they'll all have different information for us. So for example, if you were given a new opportunity, you might initially. Feel joy like excitement, right? But then what you might immediately feel is sadness.ย
So sadness because maybe this opportunity means that you have to move or leave or go somewhere else, that you're not going to be a part of the same maybe it's a promotion. All of a sudden you're not going to be able to hang out with the same people now you're going to be their boss, and things aren't going to be able to be the same, right? And then maybe there's fear there, fear that now they're not going to like you. Now, you know, if we go with this example of a job promotion, right, fear now that those people who your friends aren't going to like you anymore, because you've heard how they talk about the boss, right? You know how they they talk about the boss, and fear that you're going to be alone, fear that they're going to be talking about you behind your back. And then there might be anger, anger that you're now put in that situation where you have to be alone, where you have to leave your friends and you have to move on. And maybe you have to do it because you know you've got to, you've got to climb that corporate ladder, or because you need to earn more money for your mortgage, or whatever it is.ย
You know, there's, there's all these things in one moment. And when we speak from the heart, we can address all of them. And I an episode coming in the future, I'm going to talk about something I'm currently moving through, of some really deep trauma that I was unaware of until very recently, and how the power and the healing has been for me in being with whatever is there to actually, it's like I'm swimming back in time to that moment and allowing myself to feel and process The feelings that were there and looking for the information that's in them, and what's locked in those what's locked in those moments in time.ย
I'm not going to go into that in this podcast. I will talk about that most probably. I'm going to talk about this in the future, once I've kind of like through the other side of it, like anything in life that's worthwhile. You know, we've got to be vulnerable to be able to speak from heart. We've got to put ourselves out there, you know, we're going to, we're going to risk rejection when we actually speak our truth. We're risking people reacting and not liking what we have to say coming back at us, you know, maybe, maybe when we're just speaking from a heart about something, but now they have to, like find reasons to fault us because of their trigger that's coming up in them, and to be able to know all of that is possible, but to still be vulnerable and to still be real and to still be raw is far more powerful and far stronger than what we're taught to do in life, which is to hold it all inside, pretend it's not there, you know, ignore it, stuff it down. Stiff up, a lip, Telly, hoe, all that stuff, right? That we're taught as children, you know, it's just a flesh wound. She'll be right. Come on here. Have a cookie, all those things when we're not allowed to feel what's there, and we're taught that it's that's not right, and we stuff it down inside, right?ย
And then we think we're being strong, and we think we're being brave, but in reality, the really strong, brave thing is being with what's there, allowing it to vibrate through you, and allowing yourself to come out the other side of it. You know, speaking from the heart is really bearing our soul and allowing ourselves to be seen. And because of that, yeah, opening us up ourselves to potential attack, and to speak from the heart in in like wholeness, we also have to be willing to listen to the heart and maybe hit something that we don't like.ย
That's where the real power is right, because when someone is speaking to us from their heart, we get the chance to really start to see who they are, and to start to learn more about them, and to start to get a real feel for the fact that there is actually a soul, a different soul in that body, with their own agenda, with their own reason for being, with their own reality, with their own perceptions, and another soul that's here having a journey, and that is like here to learn things. And I think most of the time we go around interacting with people and seeing them as other people, but not seeing them as other souls, and not seeing their God Self.ย
And somehow what we see is actually just ourselves, our energy put on them, and we don't go deeper than that. And I'm pretty sure I've said that in an episode a couple of ago where, you know, I went through this thing with my partner, where I realized that I had got to know him enough to know that I was safe with him, and got to know him enough to know that we had common things, you know, things in common. And then I had never really gone deeper than that, and what I was seeing now is really my own reflection on him, my own assumptions on him. And when I pulled my energy back off him, and it was like this delicious fear of this unknown person. And I could feel this soul in there that up to that point, it had been like he was just an extension, or there for me, almost like object. It's almost like objectifying somebody, but in a very subtle way, then they're there. They have a purpose to fulfill in our lives, in being our partner or being our friend or listening to us or going on, you know, out with us and going camping with us or going this with us, we don't ever really allow ourselves to conceptualize that maybe this person is vastly different from us, because that would be scary, and listening from your heart allows yourself to really give a gift to somebody else, of letting them be them, Seeing them for them, and hearing them for them, and that is empowering and scary. It's scary as shit, right? Because you don't know what's going to come out of their mouth. And I know, even with my girlfriend, Charlotte, when we're talking, we're sending each other WhatsApp messages, because she lives in Tenerife, and I'm here in Australia, and she'll be talking to me, and then she'll be sharing with me the fear that she's feeling, even voicing to me what she's going to voice. And then I can feel myself bracing in fear at what I'm about to hear, because there's such depth to the conversation of speaking from heart.ย
You know it's interesting. You know the way we do communicate. And I know there's, you know, you know what? One of the big ones out there at the moment is non violent communication, which is great, right? Really great to learn how to communicate with people in a non violent way, because violent communication is really just trying to force somebody to your way, trying to control them, trying to bully them, trying to get them to it's that objectifying, right? Trying to get them to be what you need them to be for you to feel safe, and what you need them to be is somebody who just lets you get your way and who backs up, you know what you want, right? And you're actually not allowing them to be a separate being with their own with their own purpose. So the ability to have non violent communication is a wonderful thing, but it doesn't mean a deep conversation. It doesn't mean a conversation coming truly from heart, per se, and a conversation coming from heart should never be a violent communication or conversation, because even when you're angry, you're owning it. You're owning your anger, and you're owning the observation of where that anger is coming from, which is a trigger is always coming from, a wounded part of us, right? That's our perception. Our perception is being created from something, and then we go into attack mode, or defense mode, or because we don't feel safe, and there's that wounded part that gets triggered up. So it takes real skill to listen to someone say that they're angry about something, and to not be triggered, to not react, to observe yourself. Sometimes you'll be observing yourself within that.ย
You'll be observing yourself within, within your reaction, but also then not reacting on it, and seeing what it is within that reaction that you're actually you're reacting to, you know, so when you when you're triggered. What is it? Why? Why am I feeling triggered? What's the self observation that's going on here? And always, always, that important question of, What am I? What am I making this thing mean about myself? When someone speaks the truth and you get angry, you know, what are you making it mean about you? Are you making it mean that you're not good enough? Are you making it mean that you're not lovable? You're making it mean that you're not safe. You're making it mean you're unworthy. You know, there's always that, what am I making this mean about myself?ย
And sometimes, sometimes our anger is really righteous. Sometimes, you know someone's crossing our boundaries. Sometimes you know we've said no and they've gone and done it anyway. So sometimes our anger is righteous, but once again, it doesn't have to be delivered in a violent way or in a violent, physical way, either. So you know, I remember when I was really young, my dad gave me this great piece of advice and information. And he said, Write the letter. You know, if some something happens somewhere in an environment like, you know, probably work.ย
You know, you're new, like, all fired up, and you're, oh, I'm gonna tell them this, and I'm gonna tell them that, and then you go and you write that letter down. He said, you know, write the letter you want to write, and then put it in a drawer overnight, and then come back the next day and then write the letter that you should write. I thought that was such good advice. And you know what it is, it is good advice in that not reacting on that trigger, because that's what it is that first when you hear that and you want to go out fighting and you want to tell them what you're thinking, that's a trigger, right? It's a part of you that is. Has gone into fight mode because of whatever it is that you're making this thing mean about you. And if you take away that meaning, it's like the tidal wave just just just disappears, right? You take away that meaning, and there's no there's no need to get angry anymore. But when you come back the next day and you write the letter that you should write, then all of a sudden, you're coming from the mind. You're not coming from the heart.ย
And you know, I had a beautiful chance to witness today the difference in a group of people, when everyone was coming from their heart. And something had happened in this group, a message that had been put in there. And you know, a few of us, including myself, had been triggered by it in different ways, and we'd all it. We'd all been triggered by it in a different way. And rather than doing what a vast majority of the population would do, which is start talking to each other behind, you know, in the behind, not in this group, and bitching about stuff and making it mean stuff, and everyone getting on and me, you know, instead, one by one, people came to this group and shared from heart exactly where they were at because of this message and all of their feelings.ย
You know, I'm sad because of this, and I'm angry because of this, and I'm but I'm also owning that I'm the one doing this and creating that and and, you know, I feel fear because of how this is going to be taken, and yet, I'm doing it anyway, right? And I feel joy actually, because even within this message is also still feel joyful for how things are going, you know, within this group, and it was such a beautiful witness of people in heart, owning their shit, coming together, and one by one voicing it, and everybody just honoring them for them. Nobody was getting on board or, you know, getting on the you know, what's it coming you get on the podium. It's not the same.ย
You know, everyone was just honoring each other's truth and then coming forth with their own truth in that moment. And what came from it was a beautiful, liberating, you know, togetherness and a redirection within the group of where we need to be heading, and that's the difference, you know, between talking from heart and talking from head or talking from a trigger, where it's one person trying to force an outcome, versus everybody working together to create an outcome.ย
That is a beautiful thing, and you know, and not all of the outcomes, like for me, my personal outcome, was to realize that, you know, that that wasn't where, it's not where I need to be anymore, and not because I don't want to be there, and not because I don't love this group, but it's like a coaching situation. And for me to realize that my heart's not there anymore, and I don't want to bleed energy out in a direction where it's not serving me anymore, just for the wrong reasons. You know, the wrong the wrong reasons that I'm bleeding out information in there is because bleeding out my energy in there is because it makes me feel important and it makes me feel needed, and it makes me feel like I'm a pack, a part of something.ย
But really, what it does is it drains my energy away from my own thing. And for so many years I've been doing that. So many years I've been supporting other people's things and not my own. Well, you know, all along, I wasn't 100% sure of what I wanted to do, but maybe I would have got there earlier. Maybe I would have found found it earlier, if I hadn't have been giving so much of my time and energy to everybody else's dreams and instead allowing my own to unfold. And so this is like this, from speaking from the heart. Now, when I can vibrate with the truth of my being, the energy that's in there, and look for the message that's there and the why that's there, and sometimes then see through that and beyond that and beneath that, and I can just get deeper and deeper into myself of who I really am. And you know that that's really what this is all about.ย
When people are on a journey and self development, then really what they're searching for is a place of peace within themselves, where they accept themselves fully and love themselves fully. And you know, when you can get to that place, then there's not really much else that you need. Okay, I hope you got something out of this episode, and I hope maybe it's given you some food for thought. So I've got a couple of podcast ideas planned already in the future. You know, one is, as I said, it's, you know, looking at trauma and responsibility and trauma. And really, that's about my own journey at the moment. And then the other thing is going to be about creating drama in our lives. So I'm not sure which one will come next. You will have to wait and see you.ย