In this episode of Living Through Heart, Donna Joy Usher explores the powerful yet subtle shift from "trying" to "being"โa distinction that can redefine the way we experience life, success, and personal transformation. She delves into the energetic patterns that keep us stuck in effort and self-sabotage, the role of limiting beliefs, and how stepping into a state of "being" creates effortless alignment with our desires. Through personal insights and practical techniques, Donna offers a roadmap to move beyond the exhausting cycle of striving and into a space of authenticity, flow, and creation.
๐ก What Youโll Learn in This Episode:
โ๏ธ The key difference between trying and being and why it matters
โ๏ธ How deep-rooted beliefs shape our ability to step into our true selves
โ๏ธ Why striving often keeps us stuck in a self-sabotaging loop
โ๏ธ The energetic frequency of "being" and how to align with it
โ๏ธ Practical methods to shift from effort to effortless action
โ๏ธ How self-awareness, healing, and mindfulness contribute to this shift
๐ง Tune in now to discover how embracing "being" can unlock transformation in every area of your life!
๐ Resources Mentioned:
๐ Loved this episode? Share it with a friend or tag @donnajoyusher on social media with your biggest takeaway!
Welcome to the living through heart Podcast. I'm Donna Joy Usher and I'm an analytical hypnotherapist, a psychotherapist, a spiritual healer, a Tantra practitioner, a shamanic practitioner, an award winning, Best Selling Author and owner and artisan of savage boho studio. I believe everybody is capable of creating the life they want, if they can just shift the beliefs, stories and energy creating their current reality. This podcast is an audible blog of my thoughts as I go on a journey to heal my soul, surrender into my feminine power and to live from the present moment in heart. I hope you find it amusing, interesting, thought provoking, touching, raw and inspiring. Hi, I'm Donna Joy. Usher. Welcome to this 65th episode of the living through heart podcast. I want to thank you for being here. And if you listened to my last episode 64 It was a long one, and it was really me just talking about the last year. So I wanted to say that today is going to be a lot more target focused. And what we're going to talk about today is something that I've been through, and I even touched on in that last episode of The trying versus the being. Going to go through what that is, what it looks like, and then I'm going to go through some techniques and some ways that I've come up with that can help you shift from trying to being in your life. So firstly, I want to dive a bit deeper into these two things, trying and being so you can get a really good feel of what it is and how it feels like and how they being in one or the other actually impacts your life, because basically, when we're trying to be something, it actually ends up preventing the being, because we never really go from the trying to the being. And we're always on this rat wheel. We're always trying. So let me give you an example of a trying. So for me, trying might be trying to, you know, have a better body, trying to be fitter, trying to be healthier, trying to eat better. And so I'm always trying to do this thing. It becomes like this white knuckling thing where I'm having to really think about it, I'm having to really plan it. And it's, it's kind of like overtakes your life in a way. And when you when you fall off that wheel, when you fall off that wagon, and you're like, ah, and you're still trying. And then, because there's always this trying, there's and the reason that we're in the trying, which I'll go into there, becomes this self sabotaging, and because it's not really me, and basically I'm just, you know, miserable all the time. And I might get it's like a we get this yo yo phenomena going when we're trying, right? Well, we almost get to the target, or maybe we even get to the target a little bit, and then we touch it, and then we have it, and we're like, yay. And then all of a sudden we're swinging back in the opposite direction, and it's like, what the hell happened? Why? You know, I had it, and what's happened? And basically it's us always creating this. And this is something I really, actually learned from Chris Duncan, the magnet, a magnetic mind conscious education, the yo yo, that yo yo phenomena. And this, you need to be it now philosophy. But I didn't fully get it until recently with myself. So I'm going to discuss it in the so I want to talk about it because I'm getting it on a deeper into it on a deeper and deeper level. So that would be me trying now, the versus that of me being, if I'm if I'm being the person. So even though I may not look like a person who's eating well, I mean, I do all right. I'm just saying, Okay, if I was wanting to be a person who was fit and healthy and ate well and exercised right, as opposed to a person who was trying to be that, then I'm going to be that person now. So I'm going to be acting as that person now, making the choices as that person now, holding the energy of that person now. Now I may not look like that person yet, and that's where people fall over, I think, with the trying, because they're trying to be, is it's like they're trying to be something on the exterior, like how it looks, or like how it would show up, like with a big house or a fancy car or expensive handbag. They like, you know, for if they were going for success, or if they were going for abundance, they're going for this trying. And they're aiming for a goal, which is a very external thing. And so let's if I bring it back to myself. If I was going for this, trying to be fit and healthy and have a good body, then I would be, I would be consumed with how much I weighed and what my body looked like every day. So I'd be just taken up by using the exterior of myself as that measuring and then I'd be on that rat wheel, and I'd be falling off, and I might start to look better. And then I would self sabotage and put the weight back on, and I would stop doing yoga because I'd be pushing myself too hard. And, you know, I'd be presenting it, and all this stuff would be going on, versus just the being it. If I'm being it, I'm just waking up in the person in the morning as this person who is fit. Healthy, making good choices, exercising, and then I'm just making choices from that place. So it's not a case of, oh, what can't I eat? Oh, I can't have that, but I really want it. It would be a case of, okay, what am I eating today? And then would only be healthy choices that I would be considering, or maybe every now and then, I'd let myself have something naughty, because it's okay, because overall, I'm actually a person who is fit and healthy, who can sometimes have something, who there might be chocolate or it might be a little bit of cake there, but it's not something that I'm going to be choosing every day, because I'm choosing from a place of being, not from a trying and what happens is that that exterior shows up later. So when I'm when I'm acting from a place of being, then you've got the energy of it, and you're taking action from that place. You're making choices from that place. And then the end result of the external and how it looks in the world shows up later. So if I was to go six months of making healthy choices with diet and not even thinking about how I looked, not even weighing myself and doing my yoga and just being that person and being happy, right? Because I'm going to be happy when I'm that person, then six months down the track, I'm going to have the body that I might have been going for if I was trying for it, I'm going to have the health that I would have been going for if I was trying for it, but it's actually just showed up because I already was that person. So I hope that this is making sense, the difference between the trying and the being, because when you are it, it's, it's the difference between, you know, when, when we have, and I got this from Chris Duncan as well, and he may have got it from someone else, but I got it from him. You know, when we're going for something, we're going often going for an external, visible thing. But really what we want is an internal, invisible thing. So we're going for something because of how we think it will make us feel, or for who will be when we have it, we'll be successful, or we'll be happy. That's a big one, right? We're going for something because we'll be happy. Oh, when I get to that goal body, want to get to that goal weight, I'll be happy. But we never get there, because to have it, to truly be it, you already have to be happy. You already have to be that person. It's subtle, but it's so powerful. It's this change, this shift of just allowing yourself to be the person now, as opposed to trying to become them, and then when you can be that person, now, everything else attached to it shows up, and it's shifting our vibrational energy in such a way that what we're attracting in changes, and when we're being something now, as opposed to just trying to be something, the outcome is totally different, because we're making choices from a place of already have it from them, from a place of trying to be it. And the choices are different, you know? They're more solid. They're just like the definite, as opposed to, as I said before, like a white knuckling, always having to think about it, oh, it's like we're holding this tension, you know, whereas when we're just being it, and we're just in flow. So ultimately, when we're trying and we're being we're actually after the same thing. Because even when you're like, when people they want a big house, they want a big house, they want a Lamborghini, or whatever it is that they want, right? And they're on the surface level, and they're just obsessed with having this thing. But if they were to dive deeper in, if they'll really get underneath it, and we're going to go into this a little bit more later on, but they were to get underneath it, they would see and they would understand and realize that the reason they want that Lamborghini or that big house or all that money is for how they're going to feel when they have it. So we can want the same thing that how we're going to feel when we have it, but our intention changes. And I see this when I'm doing healings with myself and with people. I see this as a like a going through the eye of the needle. It's like the the what we want on both sides of that eye of the needle is the same, but on this side, we're coming at from a place of wounding, from lack, from limiting belief systems, from things we've learned to be in. And it's like this neediness within us, of wanting, trying, and then when we can let go of all of that, all of that, and go to a place where we can just be it now. We can just be in our true essence in this present moment. We go through this eyes and needle, and on the other side, we still may want the same thing. We still may want a big house, but the diff, the the intention behind it changes, because now, instead of wanting a big house because of who we think will be when we've earned that big house, now we just want a big house because it'd be fun to have one, because it'd be amazing, and it's okay. Want stuff like that. You know, it's not like you have to when you go on this big, healing, spiritual journey. It's not like you have to stop wanting luxury, stop wanting, you know, a nice car or a nice this, or a nice that. It's just the reason that we want it changes it. And rather than it being about who will be when we have it, it becomes about just having it for fun, having it to make an impact in the world, having it because, you know, we've always just wanted to try that, and we're here to have experiences, so we can still have those things. But it's the reason behind it, the chips. And when we shift that, as I said, that electromagnetic frequency that we're putting out to the world changes, and then it actually when we're already there and we already have it. And as Joe Dispenza would say, when we already have the elevated emotion that comes with having that thing, of being that person that has it, then we're going to attract it to us. It's like we become a piece of I'm getting shown, like a piece of paper put into ink, and it just comes into us, right? As opposed to, like, trying to get the ink, trying to get the ink, trying to get the ink, and we want it. We want this in. I don't know if that's a good example, but anyway, that's what I got shown. It's like, when we're holding this different vibrational energy, we're just, like, this stuff is just coming to us. You know? The thing is, at the end of the day, it's always, as I said before, about that thing that's underneath the external, visible thing. It's always that internal, invisible thing. You know, no one ever said I want to go out and I want to make a shit ton of money so that I can be fucking miserable. They said I want to go out and make a shit ton of money. And the underneath that, the unspoken, was that, because then I can have what I want, then I can be happy, then I can have the big house, then I can have nice things, then I can have luxury, then I can be safe, right? Because I have money, that's really what's going on there. It's like that. Why do we want stuff? Why do we want it? And so for me, an example of this that I've been sitting with recently is with my business, savage Boro studio, so where I make my jewelry. And the two differences, okay? So on one, I am being it. I'm being the person who has this business. I'm being the artisan. I'm being the creator. I'm enjoying what I'm doing, and then the money is coming, you know, I'm getting to, you know, doing Instagram, I'm doing Pinterest, I'm doing I'm taking action to to build this business, but I'm already the person who has this beautiful, successful business, and now I'm just taking action from that place, versus when I was an angst over, would the money come? What would I have to do? And then it was like a drag, having to do Instagram post, and I was feeling like a bit of a fraud, and I would just spare over it not happening. And that's the energy of trying, when you're trying to get somewhere, and it's hard, it's hard, it's like walking through mud. And I'm not saying that you can't get there eventually through the trying, because let's face it, at the end of the day, all of us are going through a trying process to get to the end and then, but then what will happen for you to actually have it and to hold it and to have it for good, there will be a shift into a beingness and a change in the nervous system. A change in the neuronal wiring has to occur at that point for you to be able to hold on to it. Otherwise, your nervous system, your autonomic nervous system, your unconscious mind, is going to sabotage you and make changes. It will take you back to where they were. And so this is what I'm going to go through at the end, and the how, how you can make this happen. We're going to go through different ways that this can happen, and how you can, how you can manage your mind, basically. So, I mean, a lot of people are doing the holding the energy part. They're doing the mantra. They're holding the energy of success. They're holding the energy of stuff, and that's great, but ultimately, we also have to take action. I mean, sometimes we can just manifest certain things, but if you're if you're actually building something in your life, if you're creating a business, or you're trying to get fit and healthy, I mean, there's no way you're going to get fit and healthy. Just by holding an affirmation of being fit and healthy, you actually have to go out and do exercise and take actions of eating properly and things like that. I mean, sure, you know Joe Dispenza work and his documentary, The Source, shows the amazing differences in the body, in the blood, in the brain, that happens with pure meditation, from a point of healing, of being able to unwind things that have happened and occurred already in the body, in the quantum body, in the DNA and things like that, epigenetics and stuff that has flipped. But if you want to actually go out and get fit, there's action that has to be taken if you want your business to become a success. If you want it, you know, to get like, something that's a five figure a month income, you actually have to take action. And that's where a lot of people kind of like miss it. They go into through the affirmations. But then they and then the effort they're coming at the affirmations from a point of trying. But then. Not actually take the actions that would come from a space of being. So I've kind of touched on this before, but I want to say, why do we try and not be why is that happening? Well, ultimately, it's because, unconsciously, we don't believe we are already it, whatever it is that we're going for. And we would all have multiple things of this happening in our lives. So, yeah, one for me might be, it might be my health, my diet. The other thing might be, you know, my business. It might be, you know, relationships. We all have these limiting programs that were formed unconsciously when we were small. And these programs, it's like these outdated programs that were formed as a way, a small child of making sense in the world, when the only thing that made sense was that it was us that was the issue, and not our caretakers or not other people. And they created these limiting beliefs of, I'm not worthy, I can't have it. I'm not allowed. I'm not lovable. Whatever it is, we all have our own unique blend. It's like a cocktail. We all have our own unique cocktail of limiting beliefs, and I'm still finding them, you know, I'm still finding them, you know, 567, years into a really intensive healing journey where I was going to process a lot and looking for stuff like just today. I just today, I found an energy in me of a little girl who was scared of getting in trouble that I had never observed before. And, you know, as we dig down through these unconscious layers and we clear them out, and more and more come, you know, bubble up to the surface, and we're able to keep clearing more and more. But yeah, ultimately, on a very deep unconscious level, a very small child started to make sense of the world and started to create a rule book on how to make sense, how to stay safe, and basically collapsing themselves into a world of duality of right and wrong, good and bad, and the rules around it, and that is the reality we live in. Now. That is our perception we live in. But everybody's perception and reality is different, and it's because none of them are actually real, none of them are actually true. It's just what we learned to believe about ourselves and about the world. So if that's the first time you've heard that concept, it can be a big one. Maybe it just skimmed off your brain, but it's super important, because it's the way to freedom when we realize that what we're thinking and how we're feeling and how we're perceiving stuff and what we're believing is actually not real. It's just a program. It's just a belief. It's just, you know, neuronal wiring, hard wiring in our brain, autonomic nervous system, creates looping so we don't have to think every time something happens, we already know the answer, right? But unfortunately, that answer was created by us when we were very small, when we couldn't stay safe, when we couldn't speak up, when we couldn't we weren't strong enough, but now we are so a lot of these programs are outdated along these programs are no longer needed, and all these programs are just not true. You know, the truth is that we are lovable, we are allowed, we are worthy. And that's the difference with trying and being when we know in our essence, when we know in our beingness, that we are lovable, we are allowed. We have come, what come, what we want, right? And we do it from a place of love to not arrogance, you know, not being a bully, but a place also of radical responsibility in the world. Then that that beingness and moving from that place will have us in the present moment, in flow, not in an unconscious program, making unconscious choices that when I mean obviously that we're not even aware of, that's because they're unconscious. But we basically have mapping in our brain. We have belief systems, and a lot of them are given to us by our parents, you know, because we observed their own patterning, their own mapping, their own behaviors. And we learn that that's the truth, because that's how we stay safe when we're a kid, we mimic we learn to mimic our parents. We learn to mimic our caretakers. You know, we take on their beliefs as well, and then how they treat us also, then gives us our own set of unique beliefs. So how can we move into a state of being and not just always be in the trying? Well, there's two main ways that I can see, and I'm sure, you know, there's probably other people's opinions and thoughts around this, and many other like maybe there are many other ways, but the two main ways that I'm seeing is one, you go through a ton of healing to actually remove the layers of the belief system, and I've been doing this for years now. And as I said, it's a never ending journey for me at the moment. I'm not saying it's a never ending journey forever, but but definitely getting less and less right. And I've got more and more expansion, more and more freedom, more and more observations of observation and make cognition, catching myself in in programs a lot, a lot earlier and often able to see that I'm actually not in a program, but in the now and in in a space of. For non duality, where I'm not making stuff mean anything. I'm not making it right and wrong. I'm just observing something that's happening and often observing other people making it mean stuff and in their own duality, which is always really interesting. It's fascinating. So when you go through really deep healing, which is root core, and you know, that's what analytical weight my therapy does? The spiritual healing going to the moment in time, the root moment in time. The shamanic is, you know, all about removing the energy of how this is showing up in us. So these sort of healings are really, really deep. And there's so many different healings you can do that are, you know, all complimentary. I'm not saying one is better than the other. Sound healing can be amazing as well. You know, Reiki and often a combination of all of it, right? Works well together. You're doing this for a while, and you go over here, I remember when I first qualified as an animal hypnotherapist, and I was like, yeah, it has to be this. This is the only way, obviously, in some limiting belief pattern of my own. And now I just see my own journey, even from that point, you know, I was straight on to trying something else, trying something else. And I can see how it's like this, stepping stones along the pathway, and No, no way is the only way. But there are some ways that are very powerful, very deep and quick to pull these layers back. And I think, you know, more permanent change. I think some healing methods helping in the moment, helping release the pressure, but until we actually get rid of the core, the belief, the actual root problem, then it's just going to keep presenting. It's going to keep showing up. So it's really about getting down to those root moments in time, or those root beliefs, and being able to rewire the brain so it realizes it's not true, and be able to put in a new belief system that you know to exist in this world. And stages of going through the stepping stones of healing is actually about rewiring and rewriting new beliefs. So we're still in belief systems to get when we get to the point of actually having no beliefs where, you know, we might be just in supreme consciousness, but until that point, then we have these beliefs of what we exist the world in, but the belief structures that we live in give us more and more freedom and more and more abundance and more and more space, basically. So that's the first way. The second way, and this is, I guess, a way of being able to heal, is really to get into that point of metacognition and consciously observing yourself in the trying, okay, being able to see yourself in the trying, and then energetically moving yourself into a space of being, and then holding yourself in this vibrational energy until your nervous system adapts, your neuronal pathways rewire and change and prune, and you're able to stay in this state of being. And even then, like you got to catch yourself right, because triggers will come up that will throw you out of it. And then you're like, Oh, hang on. Wait, you know, I'm out of it. So for me, let me go back to the example of me with diet and health. So when I first started my healing journey a long, long time ago, about seven years ago. Now, I think the reason I started it with my my good friend, the beautiful Charlotte, who actually trained me as a hypnotherapist, and looking at my therapist and psychotherapist, was binge eating. Now, I was like, you know, by the liter of ice cream, do me for a week, eat it in a night. Kind of Girl? I was vain enough with my body and stuff that, you know, I never got, I never really blew out. So people didn't realize it. But, you know, I was emotionally eating, and I would have this thing in my mind about, when is it okay to eat in a way that is socially acceptable? I had all these rules and stuff in place, probably like the equivalent of a high functioning alcoholic when they're using alcohol. I was using food right? Was doing in such a way that people, you know, it was okay, it was acceptable. People didn't really see it, but I knew in my heart that I was binge eating and I was emotionally eating and I was hiding, you know, when you're having to hide that you're doing something, then there's something going on, right? Either you think you have to hide it, you don't really have to do it, or, you know, there's something going on that needs to be looked at. So I've been, I started on this, you know, this journey of, like, I went into it for binge eating, and the beautiful Charlotte did exactly what she needed to do, which was, you know, offer me what I wanted, but then give me what I need. So we never once even worked on the binge eating. Instead, we worked on my deep root wound, core wounds, my belief systems, things like that. And as they unraveled, then I noticed less of an urge to binge eat. I noticed myself being going to states of being where I wasn't even something that was there, and then something would throw me out of it. And I'm at the point now where it's kind of like my canary in the coal mine, when I find myself wanting to reach for sugar or wanting to do like especially at night, then it's okay. Something's going on here. Something's throwing me out of a beingness, and now I'm in a state of trying, and it's a really great time for me at that point to, like, it's a great, great thing for me to for me to be able to analyze and observe myself in it, so that I can go, Ah, what's going on here? And then go into that and often finding a new belief system, or a new thing, or healing, or maybe just an inner child who's like, scared about something, I've made some new choice, or I'm doing something, and she's like, you know, wanting, wanting security, the security of the food. For me, very early in life, I linked love and food together. And so that's from my maternal my mother, my relationship with my mother, love and food, and from my dad, I got praise for overworking. So what tends to happen for me when I go into a tailspin is I overwork when I don't need to. I push myself too hard, and that's that masculine energy in me, and then the female energy she then goes into over eating. So it's like when I come up for air from the working she's there in distress because she's not had a break, and she's had no me time, and that bath that I keep promising myself hasn't happened, and I haven't done the exercise, and I'm not taking care of myself, and I'm not eating well, and then she's all like, ah, and then she just goes to the fridge and wants to start consuming for that self love. So for me, it's the canary to realize, hey, I need to step back. I need to take some time out. I need to give myself some love. What do I need here? Do I need to have a night off and do a bath? I need to meditate. I need to go, you know, yoga and just work less so that observation, that metacognition, is super powerful, because when we we know what, it's there, and then we can observe ourselves doing it, then we can sort of go into why it's there. Now, this is not an overnight thing, the rewiring of the brain. You've got to keep holding yourself in it and not, not, not beating yourself up about it when you fall off the wagon, just observing, okay, I fall off the wagon, get back on my beautiful friend, Steph Bibi, you know, once said to me, you know, I got to this point of my body and my health one tweak at a time, and such a beautiful thing, because it's one tweak, and then our nervous system settles, like, and then it's like, oh, okay, it's it's safe. I can do this. It's okay, right? And then one tweak and then another tweak, and that's okay. I'm safe. And we just hold ourselves in that. We observe ourselves in this desire and this want, this need to be doing something else, or to be self sabotaging or whatever, and we just don't allow it right? And still we hold ourselves to the nervous system settles down, and it learns that this is okay, this is safe, and it creates a new comfort zone. Stops trying to drag us back to the cave of the old comfort zone, and it creates a new comfort zone. And this is us, basically stepping stone and tweaking ourselves from a state of trying into a state of beingness. So the first thing you need to do this is that constant observation. The second thing, though, is really total clarity on what you are trying to be when you we need to have a look at what we're trying to create on that external level, and then get under that and see what is it that I actually secretly desire here, you know, I'm going for this. For me, it was this I'm gonna do with a six figure business. I was online. I remember I was gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. And when I went into underneath what it was, it was all about proving to my father that I was good enough, that I was lovable, that I was successful, because if I didn't want to be a dentist anymore, now I had to, like, replace that income by, oh, look at me, but it's okay. I'm over here, and I'm still lovable. But it had to be, like, this super impressive thing, when really what I wanted was love. I just wanted to know I was enough. And here I was, like, killing myself on the surface, trying to get it from somebody else, trying to get this invisible, internal thing by doing this like external thing. And reality was I just had to give it to myself. I just had to be it already. I just had to be love. I just had to be enough. And when I finally got to that stage, then all of this external stuff that I'd be wanting just peeled off, and I actually didn't want it anymore. I realized that having a big business, a big six figure business, is stressful. I didn't want that stress anymore. That's why I wanted to get out of dentistry. And here I was, over here, creating it again. I was recreating it again. And, you know, working in other people's businesses, so I could feel important when it was draining my energy and taking me away from actually just being what I wanted to be, and being the creator and creating what I actually wanted to so when we can get the clarity and what we actually deeply desire underneath how it's showing up on the surface, then we can start to actually move into that being. You can just you can choose it in each and every moment and move from that place. And most people drift through life in unconscious programs, you know, not realizing that they're actually creating what they have through the choices. From these unconscious programs, I think that that's just the way the world is, and that's totally fine if you're happy, if you're happy like that, you don't need to go through any of this. If the life that you were creating through your unconscious programs has you happy and satisfied and you couldn't want for more, then that's amazing. But if it's not, if it's not, then that's where we need to go deeper. That's when we need to look at the what's going on. What do we actually want? And why can't we just choose to have it now? And because I'm not saying that one is better than the other. They're just very different. All right, they're very different, but you get to choose which one you want to live your life from. Do you want to be in an unconscious program feeling like life just happens to you, or do you want to realize that you are the creator of your life, and each and every moment is happening because of choices that you've made or not made, actions you've taken or not taken, reactions you've you know had or not had. It's all got to this point in time. Sure, when we're children, there are things that happen to us that we can't control. We're small, we're defenseless, we need our caretakers. But now, when we're adults, you know, ultimately we get to choose whether or not we stay in a situation. So how would this look? How would this, you know, actually consciously observing and, you know, the digging. How would this look? Well, you know, we want to, we want to look at the, what, how, where, why, to start with. So, so, what is it? What's going on? How is this showing up in your life? Where is it showing up in your life? Okay, so, what is it? Okay, I was binge eating. How is it showing up in my life? You know, at night when no one else was around, and I was feeling really lonely and sad for myself, and I'd worked so hard, my reward to myself would be eating too much of bad things. Where was it happening? Was happening in my own home, in the privacy of my own home, when no one was looking. Why was it happening now, this is, you know, now, we've, we've, we've, we've located what it is. How is it showing up? The why is super important. Why was it happening? As I said, it was happening because I didn't feel loved, I didn't feel worthy, I didn't feel good enough. And for me, the unconscious Link was food means love. So that's the deep why. And then what am I making this mean. So this is such a powerful question, what am I making this mean about myself? You know, when something happens and you get triggered, if you're able to observe yourself in that moment and stop yourself just from reacting, a powerful question is, what am I making this mean about me? And it's often, oh, I'm making it mean that I'm not important. I'm making it mean that I'm not lovable. I'm making it mean, you know, that I'm not allowed when, in reality, that's not true. When we look at it, that's just our perception. That's just what we we're making it mean because of our unconscious program, right? So when we can isolate, Whoa, my God, I'm I'm want to react. I want to take this person's head off, because I'm making what they just did mean that I'm not important, as opposed to just that. That's something they did because of whatever the hell is going on within them. And it doesn't actually have to mean anything about me at all. And I now get to make a choice from that place, rather than reacting and tearing them a new a hole and trying to make them show us that we are lovable and we are allowed, I now get to just observe them in their program and choose what I'm going to do about it. Do I want to stay here and be treated like that? Or am I just going to take myself away and find someone who will treat me well, who will love me? So, you know, obviously this is in I'm talking about now from a point of view of being loved and allowed. But there's, you know, what am I making this mean about myself? You know, something happens and I go to the fridge, what am I making this mean about myself? So once you get that, what am I making it mean about myself? Then you sit in this energy and observe it in your body. Okay? I'm making it mean that I'm not I'm not important. How does that feel? What is the vibrational energy of I'm not important? Feel like in my body, because this always all just energy. We are just energy. So what does this feel like in my body? Where does it live? Maybe it's your whole body. Maybe it's a particular part, like I've had a lot of energy I've been clearing out of my right hip, chronic pain in my right hip for years and years and years, and now that I'm actually getting into what all the different things that I've stored in there energetically and getting them out now My pain is finally getting better. So where am I storing this energy in my body. How does it vibrate? Does it have an emotion attached? Maybe there's a memory attached to it that's really deep. You know, when you can actually find a memory attached to a vibrational energy in your body. And all of these vibrational energies have memories attached to them, because memories are memories, because something important. Wouldn't happen, and we decided something in those moments. That's why we remember it. That's why we don't remember so many things about being a kid. But we remember certain things because they were important. They're part of our neuronal pathway, our mapping. They're part of that unconscious program now, now, once you've got that right, once you sit in the energy, you observe it, you find it, you feel like, oh god. It feels like maybe it's got a color, right? Maybe it's got a taste. You feel this energy in your body. Now see how this energy actually isn't you. It's not really you, it's just there in your energy field, in your energy body. It's a program basically that you're making choices from, and it's the autonomic nervous system, right, keeping us safe, doing its job. And now say thank you. Thank you, autonomic nervous system for keeping me safe this way. But I no longer need this I no longer need this energy. I no longer need this program. Now, at a point of shamanic training, shamanic healing, this energy can be removed from your body once it's located and isolated, you know, with spiritual healing and stuff, same thing going into those memories, allowing them to release. But if you're just wanting to try this at home, and do it from a point of realizing it, stepping into a different energy, and then holding yourself in that, allowing your brain to rewire, then that point you're going to now shift. You're going to go, Okay, here's this energy in my body. It's making me feel that I'm not lovable, that I'm not worthy, whatever. Now instead, I'm going to shift into a different vibrational energy. I'm going to shift into the vibrational energy of being lovable, of being allowed. And you bring that energy into your body, it's like an archetypal energy you can sort of shift into, and you can feel the difference in your body. And this is going from a state of trying to a state of being. Now you're in a beingness. Now you're in a state of love. Now you're in a state of allow. Now instead of abundance, whatever it is, right? You bring this energy into your body and feel the vibrational difference. I mean, how does this feel in your body? Does it have a different color? Does it vibrate differently? Does it exist in a different place? Just spend some time with it, and then how do you view the world with this energy? I mean, you can even maybe look at a different situation and see if, like, a certain situation, and see if, now you have a different view on it. Maybe you have a higher viewpoint. Maybe now you can see the big picture on something and see, oh, wow, I was making this mean something. I was caught up in this structure. I was caught up in a belief system. Now I can see that none of that is true. Or I can see I was just dancing in someone else's play, you know, dancing to their music, and now I can see that I don't need to do that anymore. And then what choices will you make from this place? What? What different choices will you make from this place, when you already have this abundance, when you have this energy of importance, when you have this energy of like love in your body, and you can spend every day in a state of meditation just going, Okay, I know that my nervous system, my unconscious mind, wants me to be in this energy over here, because that's what it learned was safe as a small child. That's how it learned to operate from and you know, the unconscious mind, and you'll hear me say this over and over and over and over and over again. Unfortunately, unconscious mind doesn't care about happy and he cares about surviving. So it will try and keep you in a state that may keep you unhappy because it knows it can survive it, because it survived it already. But when you want something else that doesn't work, right? But when you move into this other, this other space of like having this something else, it's like Warning, warning, and it'll try and take you back. It'll come up with all these really ingenious ways of making you think, Oh no, that's not what I want. And I'm going to go over here and oh my god, now somehow I've entered back at the same place I was before. So holding yourself in this energy understanding that the autonomic nervous system and the unconscious mind wants you to be in the old energy, but holding yourself in this new energy for long enough for it to relax, for your nervous system to restabilize in this New Energy, for it to realize that, Hey, it's okay. It's safe to be here. It's safe to be loved. And I can remember when I first started my relationship with my beautiful partner, the moment I was I did a podcast on this, how much trauma I had in my body over allowing the love in, and how much physical pain I was in, physiological pain I was in over and I remember talking to another lady, and she said, Yeah, same thing happened to her when she got with her, her beautiful partner, she would actually sit there and shake like like holding the love she would be shaking because it was just so foreign to her and so not allowed, because she'd never experienced it before, and her brain didn't know if it was. Safe to have it. So you got to keep holding yourself there. You got to keep going back there. Don't kick yourself when you fall out of it. Just go, Ah, thank you unconscious for trying to keep me safe. But this is what I want now, and pull yourself back into it, and remember that underneath all the layers, underneath all the mapping, all the programs, and all the energy that is not ours, that's in our energy field. Underneath all of that, we are beings of light, vibrating at a high frequency on a plane of non duality. And if we keep doing this, that's what we're heading back to. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this podcast on the state of trying versus being, and that you got something out of it. And spend some time, you know, this is, this is not an overnight thing. And if you want to, you want to shift into it, you've got to put in the time, you've got to put in the practice, and you've got to put in the self observation. You've got really got to bring in that self love. Just really hold yourself in that love and know that you are worthy of it and you are worth it. All right, I will see you in the next episode of the living through heart podcast. I just want to say thanks for listening to this episode of the living through heart podcast. If you want to find out more about me and what I'm up to head on over to my website, Donna Joy usher.com they're going to find information on my fiction books, on my jewelry business, savage boho studio, and also on any content tools or courses I'm creating to help women to feel empowered, enriched, important and in Love with their lives You Donna, welcome to the living through heart Podcast. I'm Donna Joy Usher and I'm an analytical hypnotherapist, a psychotherapist, a spiritual healer, a Tantra practitioner, a shamanic practitioner, an award winning, Best Selling Author and owner and artisan of savage boho studio. I believe everybody is capable of creating the life they want if they can. Just shift the beliefs, stories and energy creating their current reality. This podcast is an audible blog of my thoughts as I go on a journey to heal my soul, surrender into my feminine power and to live from the present moment in heart. I hope you find it amusing, interesting, thought provoking, touching, raw and inspiring. I just want to say thanks for listening to this episode of the living through heart podcast. If you want to find out more about me and what I'm up to, head on over to my website, Donna Joy usher.com there you're going to find information on my fiction books, on my jewelry business, savage boho studio, and also on any content tools or courses I'm creating to help women to feel empowered, enriched, important and in love with their lives.ย